"We are on our final approach into the City of Extreme-Winds...Please ensure that your seat backs and table trays are in their upright and locked positions. Also, please ensure your barf bags are in their open and easily fillable position. It is mostly likely that you will be needing them..."
The weather in Calgary today is heavy rain with winds out of the east at 100 knts. We expect the approach to be just a wee bit bumpy so please...ensure any carry on baggage is securely bolted to the floor and assume the crash position..."
"And......Welcome to Calgary Lady and Gentleman..."
"For those of you on the right hand side of the aircraft, if you look out your window, you will notice the newly paved runway and nicely painted center line!...For those on the left hand side of the aircraft, if you look out your window you will notice the dark skys above..."
"On behalf of the Co-Pilot and myself, I would like to thank you for flying 'Wing N' a Prayer' airlines today. If Calgary is your final destination today, then we hope you enjoy your stay. If you are carrying on with us to the City of Golf-Ball-Size-Hail, then we ask that you start praying now and our flight will continue after a quick cleanup of the cabin."
