Just one funny

[waspiflab]

[Fozzer]

Now that's what I call a practical Wife... ...!

Paul... ... ...!

[Speedyboy]

She looks like one person army. 

[Steve M]

Olga is about to log in to eHarmony. Olga wants a sensitive caring guy that can cook, wash dishes and loves romantic walks on the beach..  8-)

[Steve M]

Very few people chiming in anymore, in the humour board.. Folks, there are no jokes that haven't been told before, just revamped and sent out again. I dare you.. to post up one that no one has never seen! Go ahead, put the you in humor!

[Flying Trucker]

Goodly evening all...

Just a few, I am sure some have been posted before...

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan).

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You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)

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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

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Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. (From an old carrier sailor)

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If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe

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When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

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What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,...the pilot dies.

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Never trade luck for skill.

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Shit!"

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Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

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Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

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Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

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A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

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I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

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Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

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Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries

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Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

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When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.

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The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; ...it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

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A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

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If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

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If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author &aviator)

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Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

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There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

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The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but surely someone who's been there)

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If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

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Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

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You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal

A Link full of laughs...

http://www.skygod.com/quotes/flyingjokes.html

[Steve M]

Some good ones there Doug!

[Mr]

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
...and, sometimes, HORRORSCOPES in capital letters.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
Once true, we're now scattering debris and not only leaving them up but way out there >>> !

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.
Happened in the sim -- couldn't go anywhere, the flight was terminal.

[H]

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Shit!"
Not always in that order and, sometimes, the latter prefixes/suffixes either of the first two.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
The last two -- if the brains don't have the altitude, any greater amount of airspeed only makes the flight completion more catastrophic.

8-)