Some fun stuff..

[Steve M]

Dilbert Managers.


1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, Washington.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3 How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team)

4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Lond Lines Division) Patty O'Furniture

[Hawkeye07]

My personal favorite was when I worked as an aircraft mechanic at DTW on the third shift for Northwest Airlines.
A brilliant new manager sent out a memo to all third shift crew chiefs stating " It has come to management's attention that the mechanics on 3rd shift are using twice as many C cell and D cell flashlight batteries as day shift and 2nd shift. As of today all flashlight battery requests must be approved by the shift manager."  I kid you not!  This idiot was for real!  This is not a "once upon a time..."

[Steve M]

[quote]My personal favorite was when I worked as an aircraft mechanic at DTW on the third shift for Northwest Airlines.
A brilliant new manager sent out a memo to all third shift crew chiefs stating " It has come to management's attention that the mechanics on 3rd shift are using twice as many C cell and D cell flashlight batteries as day shift and 2nd shift. As of today all flashlight battery requests must be approved by the shift manager."