Corn

[U4EA]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

[TacitBlue]

What do you say about bullets that missed their target?

They were lead astray.

I never miss, but occasionally my bullets hit things that I wasn't aiming at...

[Ang2dogs]

It's not the bullet with your name on it you have to worry about. It's the ones marked "To whom it my concern"!

[U4EA]

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"

The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."

[H]

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"
The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."

The wife quickly responded in a hushed but intentionally audible voice, "I told you to take those stomach pills before we left!"

I never miss, but occasionally my bullets hit things that I wasn't aiming at...

We hope you weren't one those things hit that you weren't aiming at*; such events are not as infrequent as we would think:
I've missed a target but never remember hitting the wrong one, let alone so far in the wrong direction.*

we know your statement was made in humor and, if it weren't for the results, some of the reasons for self-shootings are on the humorous side, if not just strange, too.

8-)

[Bud Greene]

What's long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.

[Steve M]

Did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg you can hear them say 'What the hell are you doing?'

[FoxThree]

Did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg you can hear them say 'What the hell are you doing?'

[patchz]

Guess that's not as bad as what a dog would do to that leg.

[H]

Guess that's not as bad as what a dog would do to that leg.

This indicates Steve has wandered from his native province... he's evidently related to a Labrador Retriever;
they sometimes attempt retrieving from wanton places.

8-)

[TacitBlue]

I never miss, but occasionally my bullets hit things that I wasn't aiming at...

We hope you weren't one those things hit that you weren't aiming at*; such events are not as infrequent as we would think:
I've missed a target but never remember hitting the wrong one, let alone so far in the wrong direction.*

we know your statement was made in humor and, if it weren't for the results, some of the reasons for self-shootings are on the humorous side, if not just strange, too.

8-)

Nope, I've never shot myself.

[H]

I do, however, consider things like the ground, trees, and neighbors to be legitimate unintentional targets.

[color=#003300]Spoken like a true Missouran.

A long while ago, it was well known that two particular Missourans did not like each other. They were both out hunting one day and one of them climbed up onto a tree limb. The other happened into the same vicinity and shot him off from the tree.
He told the sheriff, "I thought it was a deer."


PS

[patchz]

Well, it IS the Show Me State.

[TacitBlue]

Sorry to burst your bubble guys, but I'm not actually from Missouri*. You can tell by my use of multi-syllable words.

*We moved to the state of Misery from Indiana when I was 14. 

[H]

Sorry to burst your bubble guys, but I'm not actually from Missouri*.

That still doesn't change the attitude of your statement... sort of like me being accused of a southern accent after stationed in Mississippi for over a year, although I rarely strayed from Keesler; guilt by association.

8-)