Corn

[Bud Greene]

An oyster met an oyster
and they were oysters two.
Two oysters met two oysters
and they were oysters too.
Four oysters met a pint of milk
and they were oyster stew.

[machineman9]

A man and his friend walks into a bar.
The barman says "what can I get for you to drink?"
The man replies; "I'll just have a glass of H20 please"
"And for you?", directing his attention to the friend.
"I'll have some H20 too."

The friend dies.

[U4EA]

A man and his friend walks into a bar.
The barman says "what can I get for you to drink?"
The man replies; "I'll just have a glass of H20 please"
"And for you?", directing his attention to the friend.
"I'll have some H20 too."

The friend dies.

That is awesome! 

[hyperpep111]

But for some reason they keep Pecking me.

When they give you their bill, do you pay it?

8-)

Never!!! But for some reason they peck me till the cluck strikes 12

[hyperpep111]

2 politicians walked into a building. What did they say?
Ouch!!! 8-)

[H]

When they give you their bill, do you pay it?

Never!!! But for some reason they peck me till the cluck strikes 12.

There's your problem -- just like any creditor, if you don't pay heed to their bills, they'll be constant peckers.

Truth be told, and it must, if it flies and I shoot at it (referring to birds and birds only!) it has better than an 85% chance of flyin' off unharmed and flippin' me the.......you know!

You can blame yourself for bringing this to my mind:

A bird hunter set off into the brush some ways behind his bird dog. Suddenly, his dog assumed a pointing stance towards a clump of greenery not a half yard in front of it. The dog was so close in line with his view that the dog's head partly obscured the clump but the hunter saw the head of the bird, then the raising of its wings. Determined to take the shot before the bird took flight, the hunter shot and immediately trotted towards the bird and his dog, which then jumped to where the bird was. The hunter's bird shot killed the bird but some of its stray pellets had struck the dog. While the hunter approached the dog sat on the far side of the bird staring at his master with bleeding muzzle. As soon as the hunter reached the spot, his dog flipped him the bird.

8-)

[B-Valvs]

A man and his friend walks into a bar.
The barman says "what can I get for you to drink?"
The man replies; "I'll just have a glass of H20 please"
"And for you?", directing his attention to the friend.
"I'll have some H20 too."

The friend dies.

HAHA Love this one! 

8-)

[jetprop]

how will the barman clean up THAT mess...

[Bud Greene]

A man and his friend walks into a bar.
The barman says "what can I get for you to drink?"
The man replies; "I'll just have a glass of H20 please"
"And for you?", directing his attention to the friend.
"I'll have some H20 too."

The friend dies.

This brings to mind the beer prayer.
The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage's,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
BARMEN.

[machineman9]

This brings to mind the beer prayer.
The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage's,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
BARMEN.

That's superb

[U4EA]

Piece of string walks in to a bar, and orders a drink. The bartender says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve string here."

The string Says "Ok, I'll take my business elsewhere." The string walks down to the next bar, and tries to order a drink, the bartender in this bar says "We don't serve pieces of string here, move on!" The string is a little hurt, but he decides that he still needs a drink, and moves a little farther down the street to another bar.

He walks in tries to order a drink, and the bartender says "Get the hell out! We don't serve string in these parts."

This time the piece of string is real mad. He tussles up his hair, gets himself all knotted up, and walks in to the first bar he went in to, and says "Sir! I'll have a drink!" The bartender looks at him real close, and says, "Wait a minute, aren't you that piece of string?"

The piece of string puffs out his chest, and says, "Sorry sir, I'm a frayed knot."

[H]

The piece of string puffs out his chest, and says, "Sorry sir, I'm a frayed knot."

Good thing he wasn't a piece of thread... or he may have been a frayed sew. 

8-)

[TacitBlue]

And the bar tender came to understand the meaning of tolerance and acceptance and they all lived happily ever after.

Either that or he threw the string out again.

[Bud Greene]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer and a mop."

[H]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer and a mop."

The bartender replied, "I don't think so -- you may be bone dry but we don't serve anyone who can't hold their liquor!"

8-)