Things you really don't want to hear on a flight:
1. This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as flotation devices.
2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of penauts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close-up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that its all part of our airlines new commitment to making your flight a sightseeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at two o'clock.....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!
5. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine; however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
6. Fasten your seatbelts (Said in the same tone your friend with suicidial driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)
7. It would be a good idea if everyone now closed their window shades and watched the in-flight movie.
8. Don't worry! That one is always on 'Empty'...
8-)
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