New ATM Machine

What are you laughing at?

New ATM Machine

Postby thesnake » Tue Mar 31, 2009 2:38 pm

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

 

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.  

 

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.  

 

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'  

*******************************  

MALE PROCEDURE:  

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.  

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and  

   Withdraw.  

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.  

7. Drive off.  

 

 

*******************************  

 

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

 

What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

 

 

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.  

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.  

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.  

8. Insert card.  

9 Re-insert card the right way.  

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.  

11. Enter PIN.  

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.  

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.  

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.  

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.  

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.  

19. Drive forward 2 feet..  

20. Reverse back to cash machine.  

21. Retrieve card.  

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!  

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.  

25. Redial person on cell phone.  

26.  Drive for 2 to 3 miles.  

27.  Release Parking Brake.
 ;D
thesnake
Ground hog
Ground hog
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:50 am

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby BigTruck » Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:06 pm

Wrong, but funny  ;D
Alienware X51_R2 (thank you wife) Windows 8.1, 6GB Ram, Intel Core i3-4150 CPU @3.50GHz
FSX Acceleration settings on max, no twitches or glitches.
Saitek X52 Stick and Throttle
User avatar
BigTruck
Global Moderator
Global Moderator
 
Posts: 7048
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:35 pm
Location: Tuscaloosa, AL

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby Romulus111VADT » Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:39 pm

Wow, someone has been watching my ex-wife...... :o

:)
Former member
Romulus111VADT
Major
Major
 
Posts: 4898
Joined: Thu May 02, 2002 7:48 am

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby scalper_old » Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:40 pm

Wow, someone has been watching my ex-wife...... :o

:)


Yeah your bank card is probably the one she is using.  :P
scalper_old
Major
Major
 
Posts: 1431
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 1990 8:00 pm

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby Romulus111VADT » Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:45 pm

Wow, someone has been watching my ex-wife...... :o

:)


Yeah your bank card is probably the one she is using.
Former member
Romulus111VADT
Major
Major
 
Posts: 4898
Joined: Thu May 02, 2002 7:48 am

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby BigTruck » Tue Mar 31, 2009 4:02 pm

Maybe she would have been tolerable if you had just kept drinking  8-)
Alienware X51_R2 (thank you wife) Windows 8.1, 6GB Ram, Intel Core i3-4150 CPU @3.50GHz
FSX Acceleration settings on max, no twitches or glitches.
Saitek X52 Stick and Throttle
User avatar
BigTruck
Global Moderator
Global Moderator
 
Posts: 7048
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:35 pm
Location: Tuscaloosa, AL

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby Steve M » Tue Mar 31, 2009 5:27 pm

;D ;D Nice! Now I know why I get irritated when my other half is at a Kentucky Fried Chicken drive thru. (Drive over a curb, almost hit the speaker box, argue about the price,search for pennies to make the correct fee, change her mind about the order at the drive up window,and then hit the curb on the way out.)    
Image
User avatar
Steve M
Major
Major
 
Posts: 4765
Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:02 pm
Location: Cambridge On.

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby Excalibur372 » Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:28 pm

SO TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
lifes a beach.
not.
User avatar
Excalibur372
2nd Lieutenant
2nd Lieutenant
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 6:52 pm
Location: Baton Rouge, Louisiana KBTR

Re: New ATM Machine

Postby Ang2dogs » Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:38 am

You left 1 out Snake, and that's when her friend gets out of the passsenger side ;D,,,,, Time to just head up to the walk-up ;D ;D
User avatar
Ang2dogs
Captain
Captain
 
Posts: 862
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2007 12:38 am
Location: black mountain hills of Dakota


Return to Humour

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 585 guests