Pilots description to mechanics vise versa

[scalper_old]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit. Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed. Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level. Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for. Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right. Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed. Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

[Hagar]

This has been posted before many times. It's stll funny but the way it's presented makes it very difficult to read. Most people will give up long before getting to the amusing part. Try this.

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

[Fozzer]

...Tee-Hee... ...!

Never fails to tickle me every time I read it!... ... ... ...!

Paul... ...!

...always a good way to start a cold, damp, foggy Day!... ...!

[scalper_old]

Thanks for fixing it for me. Had to many beers last night. .never noticed it was posted before.

[H]

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

At least they were polite, if not precise. They could have replied,
"Suggest using the safety belt."

8-)

[Hagar]

Does anyone know what airline these are actually from, it's been posted as UPS, FedEx and United..

I doubt these are actual incidents from a particular airline. They could be based on real reports or complete fiction. I would take the statement that "the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident" with a very large pinch of salt. Unless they mean fatal accident in which case several airlines might qualify.

[EchoLdrWolf]

I've heard they came from Quantas. But then they stopped allowing mechanics to make jokes on formal records.

[expat]

Does anyone know what airline these are actually from, it's been posted as UPS, FedEx and United..

I doubt these are actual incidents from a particular airline. They could be based on real reports or complete fiction. I would take the statement that "the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident" with a very large pinch of salt. Unless they mean fatal accident in which case several airlines might qualify.

If I entered any remarks like that, the company I work for would saute my testicles in onions, mushrooms and a fine red wine sauce before serving them to me on a plate with a side dish of garlic bread.......Oh and QA would probably drill me a new one

Matt

[Shavron117]

I can believe them, lol. Coming from the Air Force aircraft maintenance world, I've seen similar write ups pop up like that from time to time. Had one once where it was below freezing and the pilot's seat cushion was basically frozen solid. The guy was very tall and every time he lowered the canopy, it smacked his helmet. Eventually the cushion 'thawed out', but not before the pilot put a write-up in the aircraft forms about the seat not being able to be adjusted down. Our response? "Removed and replaced pilot", lol. Even had one pilot write up about the radio not working in "OFF" position. I'm sure he meant "IFF", but you know......