Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Kids in the front seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Stop animal experimentation - Use lawyers
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden... It's our job to arrange the meeting -USMC
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Sniper: Reach out and touch someone.
I don't mind the voices in my head, it's the ones in yours that bug me.
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.
Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control.
Your just jealous because the voices talk to me.
There is a special place in hell for deadbeat parents.
I Think, Therefore I am Single.
Don't even ask what's wrong with me, the doctors haven't figured it out yet.
