RULES TO MAKE LIFE EASIER
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets
a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
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HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him
a lot and love him a Little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a
lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
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MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the
same thing.
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APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.
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COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand
a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT
GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.
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