The Mechanical Contrivium: Random Trivia Generator

[Theis]

With "SimV"

US gold coins used to say 'In SimV we trust'.
South Australia was the first place to allow SimV to stand for parliament.
Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by SimV!
SimV will give a higher yield if milked when listening to music.
If you kiss SimV for one minute you will burn six or seven calories.
Over half of Americans are officially SimV!
SimV was named after SimV the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'.
The horns of SimV are made entirely from hair.
Ideally, SimV should be stored on its side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
68 percent of all UFO sightings are by SimV.

And with "Simviation"
Michelangelo finished his great statue of Simviation in 1504, after eighteen months work.
Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of Simviation!
A Simviationometer is used to measure Simviation.
Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of Simviation.
Ideally, Simviation should be stored on its side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
Simviation can be very poisonous if injected intravenously!
Simviation can usually be found in nests built in the webs of large spiders.
In 1982 Time Magazine named Simviation its 'Man of the Year'.
South Australia was the first place to allow Simviation to stand for parliament.
There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Simviation, though it may feel uncomfortable

[Theis]

And with "Theis"

en Top Trivia Tips about Theis!

It's bad luck for a flag to touch Theis.
You bet it does!

Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of Theis in your ear 700 times.
What can i say?

Theis is 984 feet tall.
*singing:"Larger than life"*

The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of Theis is blue.
Im a monster!!

In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become Theis on New Year's Day.
Copycats..

If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill Theis.
And your point is?

Theis once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
What can I say? im a good looking guy!

The International Space Station weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as Theis!
I think it's time for a diet!

People used to believe that dressing their male children as Theis would protect them from evil spirits!
No, dressing as the evil spirit won't protect them!

If you lick Theis ten times, you will consume one calorie!
And loose your teeth...

and with "Theis Th

[Moach]

During World War II, Americans tried to train Moach to drop bombs!
Scientists believe that Moach began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
Moach invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC.
The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Moach and compline.
The first domain name ever registered was Moach.com.
In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and Moach!
Moach can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
Half a cup of Moach contains only seventeen calories!
In 1982 Time Magazine named Moach its 'Man of the Year'.
The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Moach.

lmao!!!!

[Sytse]

A pigeonicide is the killing of a pigeon.
When provoked, a pigeon will swivel the tip of his abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at his attacker.
You should always store a pigeon in an airtight container in the fridge.
A pigeon does not have toes.
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same a pigeon!
All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to a pigeon.
A pigeon is 984 feet tall.
It is bad luck to walk under a pigeon.
A pigeon can be very poisonous if injected intravenously.
Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than a pigeon!

[Sytse]

Devoid of her cells and proteins, your mother in law has the same chemical makeup as sea water.
Your mother in law can clean her ears with her tongue, which is over thirty-nine inches long!
If your mother in law was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human!
Ideally, your mother in law should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
When your mother in law is swallowed, she will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
Your mother in law is the largest of Saturn's moons.
Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's your mother in law supply!
Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with your mother in law!
Your mother in lawocracy is government by your mother in law!
If you break your mother in law, you will get seven years of bad luck! <---- What do you guys think? Worth it?  ;D

[Sytse]

God this is funny!  ;D Sorry for the multiple posts  :o

If you kiss mods for one minute you will burn six or seven calories!
Mods, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by mods.
In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become mods on New Year's Day.
Mods are the sacred animal of Thailand!
Mods can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated!

Women can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee!
On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of women.
If you drop women from the top of the Empire State Building, they will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground.
Women have a bifurcated penis!
The National Heart Foundation recommends eating women at least three times a week.
About one tenth of women are permanently covered in ice!
The Eskimos have over fifty words for women.
Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like women.
Women never said 'Play it again, Sam'.
In 1982 Time Magazine named women its 'Man of the Year'.

[Hai Perso Coyone?]

The one with mods is hilarious

[Hai Perso Coyone?]

[]u]Ten Top Trivia Tips about Porn!

[/u]/

1. You should always store porn in an airtight container in the fridge!
2. Contrary to popular belief, porn is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases it may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
3. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of porn in a day!
4. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of porn.
5. If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in porn!
6. When porn is swallowed, it will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
7. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by porn fighting underground.
8. It is bad luck to walk under porn.
9. Porn is born white; its pink feathers are caused by pigments in its typical diet of shrimp.
10. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets porn.

Well...it had to be done

[Sytse]

Bill Gates has a bifurcated penis.
Bill Gates can be very poisonous if injected intravenously!
Bill Gates can smell some things up to six miles away.
In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Bill Gates in your mouth!
India tested its first nuclear Bill Gates in 1974!
Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in Bill Gates.
Bill Gates is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are Bill Gates.
You should always store Bill Gates in an airtight container in the fridge.
Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Bill Gates.

Microsoft has 118 ridges around the edge!
Baskin Robbins once made Microsoft flavoured ice cream!
A lump of Microsoft the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
Grapes explode if you put them inside Microsoft.
Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Microsoft.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into Microsoft!
It took Microsoft 22 years to build the Taj Mahal!
Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of Microsoft, and frequently rise to the surface for air.
Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of Microsoft in your ear 700 times.
Microsoft is worth its weight in gold - literally.

If you drop Windows from more than three metres above ground level, it will always land feet-first!
In Ancient Egypt, people wore glittery eyeshadow made from the crushed shells of Windows.
Windows can live for up to a week without a head.
Windows has only one weakness - the colour yellow.
Cats use their Windows to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through.
Windows is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of Windows.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into Windows!
Astronauts get taller when they are in Windows.
68 percent of all UFO sightings are by Windows!

[Jakemaster]

HEHE!

To check whether Duggy is safe to eat, drop him in a bowl of water; rotten Duggy will sink, and fresh Duggy will float.

[Wingo]

  1. In Chinese, the sound '=The.Winged.One=' means 'bite the wax tadpole'!
  2. To check whether =The.Winged.One= is safe to eat, drop him in a bowl of water; rotten =The.Winged.One= will sink, and fresh =The.Winged.One= will float. so THAT'S why I always sink.....
  3. There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of =The.Winged.One= orbiting the Earth.
  4. =The.Winged.One= was originally green, and actually contained cocaine. uhm... yeh.... this is false... OK??... good..
  5. Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up =The.Winged.One=.
  6. Reindeer like to eat =The.Winged.One=.  :o
  7. =The.Winged.One= has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap. OH COME ON!!! It's more like 31.5!!!
  8. The Eskimos have over fifty words for =The.Winged.One=! I'm important ^^
  9. =The.Winged.One= is the traditional gift for a couple on their third wedding anniversary!
 10. A sixteenth century mathematician lost his nose in a duel over his love for =The.Winged.One=, and wore a silver replacement for the rest of his life. Who wants to fight

Simviation can be very poisonous if injected intravenously!

Probably because of its marmalade content

[Sir_Crashalot]

Sir Crashalot can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast.

All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to Sir Crashalot!

Banging your head against Sir Crashalot uses 150 calories an hour.

Sir Crashalot is actually a mammal, not a fish.

Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of Sir Crashalot.

When provoked, Sir Crashalot will swivel the tip of his abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at his attacker.

During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear Sir Crashalot had to pay a special Sir Crashalot tax.

Sir Crashalot is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.

A lump of Sir Crashalot the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!

During severe windstorms, Sir Crashalot may sway several feet to either side!



If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and my ar$e would be as small as a pea.

The word 'samba' means 'to rub my ar$e'.

People used to believe that dressing their male children as my ar$e would protect them from evil spirits!

The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in my ar$e!

Ostriches stick their heads in my ar$e not to hide but to look for water.

Contrary to popular belief, my ar$e is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases it may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!

If you drop my ar$e from the top of the Empire State Building, it will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground!

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than my ar$e.

Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of my ar$e.

My ar$e will always turn right when leaving a cave!


This is too funny.

Crash

[Demo]

Snow White's coffin was made of 747's.
747's are incapable of sleep!
99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as 747's.
It is impossible to fold 747's more than seven times.
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same 747's!
Peanuts and 747's are beans!
747's have enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap!
Some birds use 747's to orientate themselves during migration.
747's never said 'Play it again, Sam'.
The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on 747's.


the best one is...

Some birds use 747's to orientate themselves during migration.

(some just plain don't make sense)

[Mobius]

Ashar, you had me in tears there.


Few of mine-
- It takes forty minutes to hard-boil yogurt.
- The yogurt-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand yogurt-fights take place there every day!
- Mobius has three eyelids.
- The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Mobius Head!
- Mobius has little need for water and is capable of going for months without drinking at all.
- Mobius was originally green, and actually contained cocaine! (new to me )
- Mobius will give a higher yield if milked when listening to music.
- Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Mobius!

And again, someone had to do one for poo!
- If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and poo would be as small as a pea!
- Poo was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons.
- During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear poo had to pay a special poo tax.
- Poo is born white; her pink feathers are caused by pigments in her typical diet of shrimp!
- Never store poo at room temperature.
- In Vermont, the ratio of cows to poo is 10:1!
- Poo can last longer without water than a camel can.
- Poo was named after Poo the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'.

[cspyro21]

• Cats use their obestiy to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through.