I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the phone number and dialled it. A man answered,saying"Hello." I politely said, "this is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that somebody could be so rude. I tracked down Robins' correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up I decided to call the wrong number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an idiot, " and hung up.
I wrote the number down with the word "idiot" next to it and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks
, when I was paying the bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an idiot." It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic "idiot" calling would have to stop. So,I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you are familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said "That's because you're an idiot."
One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had waited patiently for. I hit the horn and yelled I'd been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a FOR SALE sign in his car window,so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later,right after calling the first idiot(I had his number on speed dial)I thought I'd better call the BMW idiot too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?."
"Yes it is"
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes,I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?"I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen,"he said.
"When's a good time to catch you Don?'
"I'm home every evening after five"
"Listen,Don,can I tell you something?"
"Yes"
"Don,you're an idiot" Then I hung up and added his number to my speed dial too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call.
But after several months of calling them,it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So I came up with an idea. I called Idiot #1.
"Hello"
"You're an idiot"(But I didn't hang up)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen"
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Idiot,I live at 1802 West 34th Street,a yellow house,with a black Beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now,Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah,like I'm really scared,idiot"
Then I called Idiot #2.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello idiot." I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."
"You'll what" I said.
"I'll kick your butt," he said.
I answered, "Well,idiot,here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going on West 34th St.
I quickly got in my car and headed over to 34th St. There I saw two idiots beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars,a police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger Management really works.
Colin
