One horse said, "Back when I was young, I used to make my owner so proud. I used to compete in all the local county horse shows and races. He had awards and ribbons all lined up on the mantle. And you know what? I did it all with only three legs."
"Well that's nothing!" said the second horse. "I used to race in all the state races, go to all the state shows. My owner had a glass case for all the trophies and awards I won for him!" The horse snorted, "And I did it with only two legs."
"I must say, I have you both beat," spouted the third horse, "for I participated in literally hundreds of national competitions. I ran in more derbies then I care to count. And my owner had an entire wall devoted to the many medals and trophies that commemorate my achievements." The third horse hushed his voice to a whisper, "And I had only one leg!"
About then, an old farm dog had wandered up to the three horses. "Now I've heard your stories, and good stories at that. But I want you to know that I myself ran in dog races across the globe. My owner took me to dog shows in Italy, tracks in Russia and vacations in the Caribbean. He had to build a new room to house the glamorous medallions, golden statues and even a safe filled with the money I had won for him." The dog sneered, "And in spite of all that I had done, I had no legs at all!"
The second horse turns to the first horse and exclaims, "Holy s**t! A talking dog!"
-Two sausages were being cooked and one said, "Holy s**t man! It's hot as hell in here!" The other sausage (stunned) replied, "Holy s**t! A talking sausage!"
Sorry if they've been posted before, but I like them so, here they are, enjoy.
