Some classics from the Two Ronnies, so elderly Brits only...
West Mercia police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms
There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done
At London's Heathrow, senior customs officer Seaforth Mumbly retired today. He shook hands with passengers passing through the customs and confiscated a gold watch for himself
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the Kingston bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals
The prime minister gave some interesting figures on education today. In the Greater London area, one half of the people can't read, one half can't write, and the other three quarters can't add up
The BBC announced tonight that as a special tribute to Selwyn Wedgley, Britain's leading understudy, it will be showing a special season of everybody else's films
On sale in Siberia today were perfectly preserved frozen steaks of Siberian Mammoths from the last ice age. A spokesman said: 'They're cheap and nutritious, but take four thousand years to defrost'
And finally, the public are warned to be on the lookout for Joseph Gomez, a Spaniard, last heard of living in Tooting, whose mother was a nun in Barcelona. A one-time flautist with a symphony orchestra, he is wanted for looting in Haifa, where he worked on a farm. The police urge people to look out for a Haifa-looting fluting Tooting son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time ploughboy Joe
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