The Wonderful English Language

[Romulus111VADT]

If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8 ) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18 ) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

I received this in an e-mail and have not verified it's facts.....

[Loafing Smurf]

I think Japanese looks way more confusing...just look at their websites. Its a string of squares...how do you make sense of that?

Just look at their Google search engine. (if you look at the "words" above

[Hagar]

Very clever Romulus. I had no problems reading those examples at all. Maybe I'm lucky but I never had problems with English. I can also use the two forms of the language easily enough. One difference is the 2nd word word dove in this sentence. [quote]9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

[Romulus111VADT]

Loafing Smurf. I think you would need the Japanese character set installed to see that page properly but I doubt you would understand it.

Your quite correct Doug, the Japanese Kanji characters show just fine on my system. My system will display Arabic, Baltic, Central European, Chinese Simplified and Traditional, Cyrillic, Greek, Hebrew, Japanese, Korean, Thai, Turkish and Vietnamese. Which is all well and good, but I can't read most of them.....

[the_autopilot]

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race

I agree.

Sign my petition to make C++ and Java a valid second language...

BTW, when I have one DEER and get another DEER, I have 2 DEER yet when i have one fish and get another fish, I have two fishES.

[Saitek]

Very good. I never liked English - but mercifully I never had any problems there. Must be a struggle though for people who don't speak it from there mothe though.

[Loafing Smurf]

Ok, I see. Thanks Romulus and Hagar


P.S Romulus..dont you speak a little Japanese? I remember you taking about mistranslating the wrong thing to a Japanese woman.

[Romulus111VADT]

Ok, I see. Thanks Romulus and Hagar


P.S Romulus..dont you speak a little Japanese? I remember you taking about mistranslating the wrong thing to a Japanese woman.

Yep, I speak (or should I say use to) Japanese, Vietnamese (just enough to piss them off and get into some of the local places for I & I- Intoxication and Intercourse  ;D) and a dash of German for fun. If you don't use it often, the little small nuances of correct grammar seem to fade and you tend to sound more like a moron instead of an American idiot try to speak bad Japanese, German, etc.

[Woodlouse2002]

There is no egg in eggplant

Which is why Englishmen call them Aubergines.

[beefhole]

I had no problems reading those examples at all. Maybe I'm lucky but I never had problems with English.

Might that be because it's your native language Doug?

[Hagar]

Might that be because it's your native language Doug?

You missed my point Beefy. A lot of English people have problems with the English language, as do Americans. I'm sure many people on this forum would have problems reading some of those examples. I was very lucky & never did.

[TacitBlue]

I didnt have a problem with them, some of them I had to read twice to find the odd parts. Aside from my occasional over-use of commas, making up of new words, and misspellings, I think I have a good command of the (American) english language.

[Romulus111VADT]

Oh, American English is a real hoot. Every section of the country has it's own accent. I mean there's the New England accent, Mid-Atlantic, Southeastern, Upper Mid-West, Mid-West, Southern Mid-West, Upper West, Middle West (where all the valley girls hang out), Lower West, Hawaiian and then there's Ebonics. Not to mention all the European Dialects that have little enclaves all over the US. Then there's all the other dialects of the world that are spoken in one area or another through out the US. Then we have Native American Indians and their dozens of dialects and the Eskimos....sheesh....it's a wonder we can understand anyone over here.....hmmmm....this might be the crux of the problem.....

[beefhole]

Oh, American English is a real hoot. Every section of the country has it's own accent.

Yeah, not to mention tons of different dialects.  We use slang words that haven't been made up yet!  Give me ONE word that any other language has that means as much as the American word "john"? (if you don't understand, don't worry, just assume john can be used as a substitute for any word on the planet)

[beaky]

English is a relative newcomer as languages go, and is hobbled together from bits and pieces of older tongues. The rules make very little sense, and although it's a very precise language for technical stuff, it's not very pleasant to the ear, compared to other languages. I pity anybody who has to learn it as a second language...