Simviation Forums

by **Jared** » Thu Nov 13, 2003 7:57 pm

Woman's Prayer
>
> Now I lay me
> Down to sleep.
> I pray the Lord
> My shape to keep.
> Please no wrinkles
> Please no bags
> And please lift my butt
> Before it sags.
> Please no age spots
> Please no gray
> And as for my belly,
> Please take it away.
> Please keep me healthy
> Please keep me young,
> And thank you Dear Lord
> For all that you've done.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
> Foot Note: One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
> "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>Five tips for a woman....
> 1. It is important to have a man that helps you around the house and has a job.
> 2. It is important to have a man that makes you laugh.
> 3. It is important to have a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
> 4. It is important to have a man who loves you and spoils you.
> 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>Estrogen, Pregnancy and Women
>
> PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
>
> Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
> A: No, 35 children is enough.
>
> Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
> A: With any luck, right after he/she finishes college.
>
> Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
> A: Childbirth.
>
> Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
> A: So what's your question?
>
> Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
>but pressure. Is she right?
> A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
>
> Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
> A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
> "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
>
> 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
> 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
> 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
> 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
> 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
> 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-..."
> 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
> 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
> 8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
> 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
> 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
> TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
>
> 10. Cat's facial expressions.
> 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
> 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
> 7. Fat clothes.
> 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
> 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
> 4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
> 3. Eyelash curlers.
> 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
> AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
> OTHER WOMEN.