Handy Thesaurus to decipher those buzz words seen in Personals Ads
WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish............................. 49
Adventurer..................... Slept with all your friends
Athletic.......................... No tits
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful......................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........... Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated....................... Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure........ Medicated
Feminist........................ Fat ball buster
Free spirit..................... Junkie
Friendship first.............. Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun.............................. Annoying
Gentle......................... Comatose
Good Listener..............Borderline Autistic
New-Age................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............. Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................... Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional.............. Certified Bitch
Redhead................... Bad dye-job
Reubenesque............ Grossly Fat
Romantic.................. Looks better by candle light
Social....................... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray.
Voluptuous............... Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height......... Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate.......Stalker
Widow....................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.........Old fart
MEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish........................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic..................... Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking........ Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated.................. Will patronize the sh*t out of you
Free Spirit................. Banging your sister
Friendship first.......... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.......................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking........... Arrogant
Very good looking..... Dumb as a board
Honest.................... Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy
Mature.................. Older than your father
Open-minded........Wants to sleep with your roomie but she's not interested
Physically fit.......... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet..................... Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive............... Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..... Gay
Spiritual.............. Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable................. Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful.......... Says "Excuse me" when he farts
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