` Pilot Gripes
After every flight, airline pilots fill out a form related to problems during that flight.
Airline mechanics then read the form, correct the problem, and respond in writing on the lower half of the form.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual forms, courtesy of Qantas Airlines (the only major airline that has never had an accident).
(P = The Problem logged by the Pilot.)
(S = The Solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Sorry. Live bugs are on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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