Guide to Parenthood
Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading Sheila Kitzinger and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real experience.
1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months take out 10% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your wages paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper and read it for the last time.
2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child
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I was blessed with a perfect child,
