Religion and bears

[Oso]

A Catholic priest, a Jewish rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to just talk "shop". One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

Well, one thing led to another, and before it was over they decided to do a 7 day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it ...

It's now 7 days later, and they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has several various bandages goes first. "Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brogue, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him, Ey began to read to him from the Baltimore Catechism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und he begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grabbed me Holy Water and 'THE SAINTS BE PRAISED', he became as gintle as a lamb. The Bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation!"

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V. drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers ... you KNOW that we don't sprinkle ... WE DUNK! I went out, and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me ... I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word!"

They both look down at the rabbi who's laying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The rabbi looks up and says "Oy veh! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures!"





Credit to El Pescador @ Sim-Outhouse

[ozzy72]

Nasty, but v.funny

Ozzy

[Tequila Sunrise]

LMAO

[Iroquois]

Lol. This reminds me of a similar joke I heard. I last heard this a month ago so I'll try to tell it the best I can.

An athiest was taking a leisurly walk in the forest. Birds singing, butterflys flapping in the breeze, enjoying all that nature has to provide. Suddenly this big bear jumps up behind him. He screams and starts to run. He runs and runs but the bear finally catches up to him. Just when the bear is about to pounce on him, the athiest shouts out "OH GOD NO!"
Suddenly everything freezes. The butterflys stop flying, the birds stop singing, everything becomes limbo. The athiest is stunned by this sudden luck. He turns around and sees a figure surrounded by light. The figure says "I am god. You are about to die and because you are athiest, you will be banished to limbo for eternity. However if you become christian,  I will save your life. If you choose not to, I will give you one last request" The athiest ponders and says to god. "If I can have anything before I die, I want you to make the bear a christian." God looks puzzled but says "It is done."
With that the world reanimates. The bear looks just about to pounce on the man when suddenly he clasps is paws together and says "Oh lord, I thank you for the feast I am about to receive..."

Think about it for a bit and you'll get it.

[Smoke2much]

Very good.  

Will