I went into a nuclear power plant once, 20 some odd years ago. The security was EXTREMELY tight and the guards would frisk you. The pat down was darn near a full body cavity search by the way they "grabbed" men.
One man that had obviously been through the pat down before came prepared. This black lady started the pat down and when she "grabbed" a handful. Her eyes got as big as saucers. She looked at the guy and said, "Just what do you have in your pants?!" He looked down and said, "What do you think you've got a death grip on?" She replied, "If it's what I think it is, your not going into containment, your coming home with me!" He'd stuck a foot long cucumber down the front of his pants. We all laughed our a$$s off.
When I got up to be patted down, I told her that I was married (my ex) and that I'd left my vegetable at home....
