Nonfire night

[Hagar]

No that's not a typo. Read THIS
The inmates are rapidly taking over the asylum. You couldn't make it up.

WE'RE HAVING A NONEFIRE PARTY
EXCLUSIVE Safety chiefs ban blaze..so club has VIRTUAL flames
By Tom Carlin

A RUGBY club is being forced to stage a VIRTUAL Guy Fawkes bonfire because of health and safety killjoys.

Families looking forward to the traditional November 5 pleasures of crackling flames and pungent smoke will now be shown A FILM of a bonfire.

Bosses at Ilfracombe rugby club in Devon have been forced to adopt the barmy idea because of a clampdown by health and safety officials after yobs hurled fireworks into a previous bonfire.

The real blaze could only have gone ahead this year if the club had gone to the trouble and expense of providing at least THREE qualified marshals, SCORES of volunteers to monitor the 1,500 crowd and a BARRICADED area where the fire would be lit.

Club president Paul Crabb said: "It's insane what you have to go through just to have a bonfire on Guy Fawkes night. This is just another example of the nanny state gone mad.

"But we have came up with an innovative solution to this health and safety nightmare.

"People think we are bonkers but we are having a virtual bonfire." Paul and other club officials will stage a real fire in an empty field before the night and film it.

Then they will show the bizarre movie on a large outdoor screen.

Paul added: "It won't be the most interesting film ever and I doubt it'll win any Oscars but at least it keeps up the tradition of bonfire night." A Health and Safety Executive spokesman said: "It is a sensible precaution to ensure people do not get hurt or burnt."

The move is the latest example of Britain's growing health and safety obsession.

Councillors in Watford, Herts, have banned the town's bonfire because the smoke could be harmful.

[expat]

Why am I not surprised. The PC police will start banning a guy on top of the bonfire next on the grounds that it could be an effigy of "someone else" and not Guy Fawks  ::)

Matt

[Saitek]

I actually heard this on the radio last night and the first person I thought of was you Doug. lol I just knew you'd love this one. Made me laught when I saw the thread and your name.

[Craig.]

What a bunch of prats.
Can't we just stick them up on the old bonfire and be done with it? Lets face it, the simmilarities between them and good ol guy are outstanding. Both seem to be hell bent on changing the face of parliment and neither seem to have the blindest bit of a clue whats going on around them.

[ozzy72]

What a bunch of muppets! Death to the Health & Safety Executive
Well if anyone is feeling left out we'll be having an ex-pat Guy Fawkes bash here in Hungary next weekend with an effigy (whenever I make it it always ends up looking like Tony Blair for some reason....) going up in flames. The last time the police tried to stop us we just explained we were British and this was one of our celebrations and if they wanted trouble we'd go to the European Court and claim infringement of our human rights We're a right bunch of bastards sometimes

[Cobra]

lol saw this a while ago, dunno if you've seen its before...but similar...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004440951,00.html

[Saitek]

It is similar, (but worse) to the pear tree put up recently Only on the pear tree one they just roped it off.
I have lovely memories of as a young child trying to get the conkers down. I went to school in a lovely Oxfordshire village which had huge trees full of the world's best conkers! Can still see us now jumping up and down throwing anything and everything up into the branches to get them down.
Health and safety "professionals" need to get a life and forget all their theories and paperwork and just get real.

[Cobra]

Really funny thing happened like an hour ago, i was out the bike and, for the first time ever got cracked on the head by a horse-chessnut! It actually hurt quite a lot, thought someone had chucked a rock or something That will teach me to post links like the above!

[Hagar]

Really funny thing happened like an hour ago, i was out the bike and, for the first time ever got cracked on the head by a horse-chessnut! It actually hurt quite a lot, thought someone had chucked a rock or something That will teach me to post links like the above!

LOL

[igs942]

Families looking forward to the traditional November 5 pleasures of crackling flames and pungent smoke will now be shown A FILM of a bonfire.

I think that I might film myself at work and then I can watch it every day at home. Much too dangerous travelling to work - might get run over by a bus on the way.....

[beaky]

Here's to Danger and Illness... good for the gene pool!

Hip hip...