by Woodlouse2002 » Wed Apr 21, 2004 5:58 pm
...bodily hair doesn't stand a chance. "Stay away from the walls!!!" Said a particularly sore man who was stuck to the roof. It was at this moment that their was a duct tape emergancy "the goldfish has died! Duct tape it back to life!" shouted a chorus of choir boys brought in specially for that line. It was apparent to the motley crew at this moment that arsenic was not the best thing to feed fish. After the goldfish were safely repaired, and the cat had been prised from the wall and the badger had been buried and the elephant man had been given a bag of peanuts, there was a moment of rest in the duct tape house, which was suprisingly near the previously mentioned tape store, which was handy for DIY emergancies, such as fixing the hoover or making a spaceship for the toddlers. Later that night, a man with suprisingly singed eyebrows was playing with a hydrogen balloon and a blow torch. Oblivious to his own danger he was protected only by an oven mit, secured over his own middle ear. He was observed by a band of watchers, each equipped with ear goggles and elbow shoes. It was now that a lecture began on the how to use a light switch safely in an urban enviroment while being pursued by a bounder with a cricket bat and under the influence of a magic mushroom. The lecture began slowly and soon several members of the audience were polishing cats or clipping their toenails. This distressed the lecturer who promptly flicked a never before flicked switch. A small desk lamp turned on and quickly turned into a small lizard that scurried away into a dark hole occupied by a soon to be eaten mouse. Meanwhile in a far away land a small king was eating a chicken wing, while somewhere else there was a camel that had got the hump. Soon enough i shall become bored with writing this trollop. But not yet! I am on a roll. You people have got 4 pages ahead of me so I need to catch up! Three minutes away (or the distance of a cows moo) a man with an umbreller took off as he had recently mugged Mary Poppins (foolish man) and three wise men were playing the part of the shepards in a nativity play, directed by a Mr. J. Christ. This director was desparately trying to steal sales from the passion of the christ, which was the life of brian with the jokes removed by Mel Gibson, who died at the end of Braveheart but still manages to act in films. I hope you are all reading this as you may well learn something from it. And if you don't then you won't know that I will insult each of you halfway though a sentance, this way I will know if its being read or not. cunning eh? Thought so. Anyway, soon a fly was battling with a sparrow for supremicy of the flys body and all the nutrients it contained. The fly, armed only with two eyes that made a single bird appear to me millions soon lost this fight and was swallowed, digested and excreated all within the space of a series of 24. The sparrow, nurished by this meal soon took off to tell his friends, but alas, he was caught by a frenchman who ate him in a bagette. This was a sad demise for the sparrow who had dreamt of dying while fending off a pack of ravage, scottish battlesheep that were trying to invade sparrowland. This however was not to be and he died a death on a frenchmans palett. It seems we have wondered from the duct tape house, this i fear is not a great loss, as the doors were sealed shut and the story would not have left the house. Now there are a million new dimensions to the story and all that it needs now is a Zeppellin piloted by a large baboon with evil intentions for the fife banana boat he was currently circling. The banana boat had no chance and the crew ran for shelter in a garlic butter factory, which unfortunatley had a rather bad smell so they had to open all the windows that were duct taped together by duct tape made from orange peels and pritt stick. It was later a lone elf was knocked unconsious by a wave of garlic smell while on a stroll through a scottish glen. What the elf was doing here is another story, which we will go into now. Once upon a time there was an elf that went for a walk in a scottish glen. The elf was rendered unconsious by a wiff of garlic that had been planted to ward off vampires and lottery tickets. Then all of a sudden a large UFO (which was in fact a helicopter but the locals couldn't identify it) landed in a crop circle made by a prankster with a ride on lawnmower. The UFO made strange engine noises before running away down a rabbit warren where it ran into Alice who had just returned from wonderland and was franticaly trying to make her self bigger again as the Chesire Cat had turned nasty after Alice had stolen the catapillars pot. Alice sought refuge with Noah on the Ark which was lost and was desparate to find mount ararat, at this very second in a school the missing link was teaching geography to people who didn't care. I am now going to finish this babble. I hope you enjoyed reading it. I would like to make it clear that no mind altering drugs were used in its writing and I am actually sober (believe it or not). So I shall leave you with half a sentence to continue with, as that is the point of this thread. So, here it goes... "Goodness Gracious, great ball of garden twine!" said...
Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!
Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains c
, but then !
