Marriage

[Paz]

 The little woman and I were discussing the possibility of getting married next year, first of all I don't want to hear all the "Don't do it!" and "Everything changes!" crap, I think that only holds true for those who take the plunge too soon, or have obvious relationship and trust/security/jealousy problems beforehand.
 We have spent over 10 years of our lives together and getting married isn't going to make any difference to us, if anything it should make things easier.

 So, my questions is: What are the advantages to being married?
 Don't bother with the luvvy-duvvy stuff either, I'm talking about financial and legal advantages here, for one thing I can put her on my insurance from work and cover both of us for what insurance is going to cost through her employer just to cover herself, my company also offers dental and eye coverage, hers does not, considering that she wears glasses, that would be a big plus.
 Do you get a better tax return for filing together? and are there additional tax breaks for married couples?
Any other legal advantages I might like to know about?
 This is the kind of stuff we are considering.

 Now I realize this information will vary in other parts of the world, so I am obviously looking for answers from the U.S. standpoint, (no offense to my foriegn friends.)

 BTW, we won't be able to afford a huge fancy wedding, so we are thinking of going to Las Vegas and getting hitched by an Elvis impersonator, (if you knew us personally you would understand) that would just be so us!

[Hagar]

Paz. I can't offer any practical advice but I had to comment as you're in a very similar situation to my daughter. Earlier this year she & her partner of 10 years slipped off to the beautiful island of Mauritius to get married  They have always been happy together & I never expected them to get hitched. The looks on their faces told me they had made the right decision. In fact I would probably do the same thing myself if I ever decided to get hitched again.

They did this without telling anyone, not even her mum. While the method they chose didn't exactly please some members of the the family their news made me cry with genuine happiness. I'm just an old softie really. I told them they were old enough to make up their own minds & it's nothing to do with anyone else. I now have the best son-in-law any father of a daughter could wish for. In fact it's his birthday today & that's what I wrote on his card.

Good luck to both of you in whatever you decide.

[ozzy72]

Paz, I don't know the score in the US, but in Europe (as a whole) there are tax benefits (especially with children ), and things like a mortgage for buying a house or whatever is better. Motor insurance tends to be cheaper (as you are seen as responsible), and your credit rating improves (as you are considered less likely to run off)
All I'm gonna say is enjoy I've been married for over two years now and I love it

Ozzy

[loomex]

Paz, I am going to have to be very blunt about this. If you have to ask about pros and cons, then you are not ready to get married. The only drawback to marriage is the cost of divorce. I am on my third marrige and this one has been from hell. I dont refer to my wife, I refer to what we have been through and are currently going through.  Everything from medical and developemental problems of one of our children,  having no money for the basic life stuff (food, shelter, etc ), infidelity ( it not matters who, just that we worked things out), to the death of one of my younger sister.
The difference between you now and next year will be a piece of paper and a ring of gold on the finger.

To answer your question about financial and legal, well....that depends up on the state you live in. If something happens remember she gets half of everything
you have. As far as taxes, I am not really sure. I have two kids so I get credit and more money back. If you are not married and buy a house or any big ticket item( car, kicka$$ stereo, fs2006, etc...) you best get an agreement on who gets it if there is a departure from the marriage. I could go on, but I think you can see that from a legal stand point marriage is a good choice. From a financial stand point there are too many factors.

I am sure that you and your "little woman" will decide whats best for you.

Oh, and one more thing. Dont believe the rumors about the ring closing and locking  the cookie jar.  After 5 years mine is still unlocked. It just sticks abit ever now and then

Chris

[Felix/FFDS]

PAZ - you've noted the significant differences between your current state and legal marriage - you can add her to your company's benefits plan, etc.

From a US tax point of view, there's the married couple standard deduction, which, of course, is better than the single person deduction.  What depends is what your status is as of 31-DEC.

Another thing to consider - where, and if at all possible, you don't want to file "married filing separately".  Once you're married it's best to file "married filing jointly".

While after 10 years together, there are few,if any secrets, depending on what your individual financial states are (children/trusts/assets inherited) you may want to consider a pre-nuptial financial agreements (this is what I'm personally dragging into the marriage, so as not to have it compromised by joint ownership).

There may be reasons why you want to file separately (mostly pre-marriage financial commitments/ dependents /possible heirs).

I suggest - seriously - that you consult with a reliable tax consultant in your area that will discuss your financial conditions and your wants, and help set you up.

Hope this helps

[Hagar]

I would add that I discovered recently that in the UK, being married is beneficial when one partner dies. I have no idea if it works the same way in the US but this might be worth looking in to.

In the UK, the estate passes automatically to the next of kin: children & blood relatives rather than an unmarried partner. Even a will can be contested by interested relatives, some who you might not even know exist. In some unfortunate cases this has led to a surviving unmarried partner losing the home they shared, maybe for many years, even though they might have contributed equally to the cost. If you're married this sad state of affairs cannot happen. It would also save a considerable amount in Capital Gains tax.

[Paz]

 Hmmm...interesting.

If you have to ask about pros and cons, then you are not ready to get married.

 I'm not really asking about pros and cons, We were just wondering about the pros actually, it's not a matter of being ready or not, because we could go on forever the way we are, but if it would be more beneficial for us to be married (legally) then we may consider it, otherwise, what's the point?

 By the way, this would be both of our first marriage, we have actually been together since she was in high school, now she's 30 and I'm 37, we grew up right down the road from each other and have basically been friends our whole lives.
We did split up for 3 years, due to my extreme love of drugs and alcohol, now we have been back together for over 4 years and I have been sober for just as long.

 It is both of our opinions that if we were not meant to spend our lives together, at least one of us would have found a different relationship during the 3 year split, during which we rarely spoke, and I moved to Arizona.
It seems as though fate brought us back together and wants us to stay that way, we never argue, ever, the only time we ever got loud with each other is when I would come home drunk being an ass, this is ancient history now.
 We are best friends and share everything, we would never cheat on each other because that would be like stabbing your best friend, we have always said that we have the best relationship of anyone we have ever known. It seems everyone argues from time to time, but we don't, anytime we disagree on something we always come to a compromise that we both can live with.

 Loomex, I'm sorry to hear about your less than wonderful history, but it sounds like your story is similar to most people I know, We have never really seriously talked of getting married before because both of our families are like relationship wrecking yards, tons of divorces! and here we are sitting back all these years going "Why can't anyone get along? Why can't people work their problems out?"
When we split up for that time, everyone knew it was because of my addictions, I knew it! but we never argued about it, she just had enough one day and told me she was leaving, of course I tried to talk her out of it, but eventually she told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore, so I left her alone, 3 years later I called her brother and she answered the phone, the rest is history.

 Well enough of my autobiography, the bottom line is we are cool with just living together forever, but if getting married will make our lives better in any way, then it will help us to make the decision if we want to do it sooner... or later, that's the main reason I posted the question asking what the advantages are.

 Loomex, good luck buddy, I hope your situation gets better.
 To anyone else who frowns on the marriage issue because of past bad experiences, we always wish that everyone had a relationship like ours, her brother is working on his third divorce, we just don't get it, why he can't keep a relationship going, except for the fact that he likes to marry women 6 months after he meets them, I've called that one everytime so far.

 One more thing, she is not the type to rob me clean if there was ever a divorce. (Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but remember, I've known her my whole life, since we were kids.)
So I feel safe with marrying her, it's not like we met somewhere and I don't know her or her past, or how she really is.

Thanks for all the input.

[Hagar]

One more thing & then I'll shut up. I was happily married for 14 years. We had a wonderful daughter which made our life perfect. While the marriages of our friends were regularly falling apart we were seen as the ideal couple - the ones who got it right. We never argued - or to be more correct, I refused to argue. We were so close we often finished each other's sentences. I adored my in-laws who treated me like their own son. I loved my wife & daughter, liked being married & life was indeed good.

To cut a long story short it all went pear-shaped & I have now been divorced for longer than I was married. While we are still good friends & see each other socially I couldn't bear to go through all that again. Except for the legal & financial benefits I would never consider marriage.

[Paz]

 I guess you never know if you don't try it huh?
 We could be together 'til death do us part or it could fall apart unexpectedly, I guess that's the risk every couple takes when they say "I do." Too bad that so many end up falling apart, or worse yet, so many people stay un-happily married and just complain about it all the time.

[loomex]

Loomex, good luck buddy, I hope your situation gets better.

Thanks. I hope that I didnt make it seem I was unhappy with my marriage, cuz I aint by and stretch of the imagination.
It sounds to me that you and your sweetheart are ready and you are just concerned about the changes that you will have. That is actually pretty smart thinking. Most people dont even think about that. Hell I didnt think about it three times!!

All the best to you Paz!