FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

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FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

Postby Tug002 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 7:00 am

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Keep smiling
Tug :)
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Re: FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

Postby Fozzer » Thu Aug 09, 2018 7:23 am

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.

Whenever I give my opinions on so-called; "Religion"....

..I get banned from Forums... ;) ....!

I love it.... :lol: ...!

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

I love Amateurs.... :) ...!

..they don't build things that sink!.... :doh: ....!

Paul....Hally-Bleedin'-Loo-Ya!... :lol: ... :lol: ...!
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Re: FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

Postby yancovitch » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:18 am

some excellent info there!......and definitely, i'm mentally ill :D
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Re: FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

Postby Apex » Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:00 pm

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Re: FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

Postby H » Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:42 pm

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
I've been involved with the first and surrounded by the latter. There is need to replace the line with a wall because "mental illness" can be a serious business.

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You know that's not true -- how can we tell you how wrong yours are if we don't know what they are.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
What life?

7. Never lick a steak knife.
...Or let the plate slip in your lap (or not have it there in the first place) when using the knife on your steak (yes, he didn't join us on our shift because he'd stabbed the wrong meat -- couldn't tell the difference between steak and sausage).

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
I understand the original reason but it's certainly not compelling (I keep mine on DS rather than 'fall' behind).

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
I lost mine at age five -- remember that when you tell me to act my age.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
That's not true -- everyone else is below average.


8-)
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Re: FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

Postby napamule » Sat Aug 11, 2018 1:25 am

Quote: '...we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.'

*** I don't see HOW. In our 150,000 population town all it takes is 2 cars to create a TRAFFIC JAM!

*** 1 in 20 drive looking in rear view mirror 50% of the time...they don't like you to get too close to their rear bumper..so they BRAKE so you will 'back off' (?). Those 'types' are not DRIVERS..they are PEDESTRIANS riding in a car.

*** SAFE DRIVING --equals--- LEAD, FOLLOW, OR GET THE H..LL OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!

Chuck B
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