These are fictional, and made up by Danish comedian Thomas Hartmann. I merely translate

Okay:
"Sure you can! Never seen Jackass?"
"Look, if it was dangerous, it probably wouldn't have had a smiley face on it, would it?"
"Bungie-jump expert my a**, if I say, I weigh 120 pounds, I weigh 120 pounds!" (by a woman).
"Isn't it crazy, that you can buy parachutes at the 99 Cent store?"
"A gasleak you say? Lemme get a smoke, and look at it"
"Honey, your a** looks big in that dress"
"It looks dead...."
"Throw me the axe, will ya'?"
"Don't worry, it's fireproof"
