Sorry if there's a post already like this one, but I was bored with my life. Here you go:
Go ahead and honk, I'm reloading.
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
This car will explode on impact.
Jesus is coming, look busy!
Born again atheist.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
Minimum wage for polititions.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Today is the day for decisive action. Or is it?
Mafia staff car.
OK, so God made heaven and earth, but what has he done recently?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Pigs may fly - this one drives.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.
OK, who's been messing with my anti-paranoia medication?
Take an interest in your husbands activities - hire a detective.
Ssssh. The driver is sleeping.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There's no future in time travel.My kid got inmate of the month award at the county jail.
I planned to live forever - so far so good.
Trust in God - but lock your car.
Marriage is not a word - it's a sentence.
I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.
Air pollution is a mist-demeanour.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
Save the whales - collect the whole set.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Wear short sleeves - support your right to bare arms!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Heck was created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
Too close for missiles - switching to guns.
Skydiving - good till the last drop.
I still miss my ex... but my aim is getting better.
I didn't believe in reincarnation in the last life, why should I in this?
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Caution! Driver applying make-up.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every bit of it.
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048 metre pole.
Ask not what you can do for me, just do it!
Go ahead and hit me. I need the money.
My wife's other car is a broom.
You! Out of the gene pool!
My karma ran over your dogma.
Fight crime - shoot back.
I get enough excercise just pushing my luck.
If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait till you see me putt.
Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
I is a college student.
Boldly going nowhere.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Don't be sexists - broads hate that.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Disney World - a people trap operated by a mouse.
When you do a good deed, get a reciept in case heaven is like the IRS.
Don't take my signals literally.
Spell-checkers are hear two stay.
Take me drunk officer, I'm home.
Stop repeat offenders - don't re-elect them!
Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
So you're a feminist - isn't that cute?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance - riddle them with bullets.
I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain just to eat vegetables.
Always remeber - you're unique, just like everbody else.
Money isn't everything - but it keeps the kids in touch.
I brake for hallucinations.
Alchohol and calculus don't mix - Don't Drink and Derive.
Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD.
Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail friends.
Spare your fenders, save the trees - give your sober friend the keys.
Never, never, never, never, never repeat.
Next mood swing: six minutes.
Monday as one hell of a way to spend one-seventh of your life.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Money can't buy love, but it can rent a very close imitation.
Dyslexics of the world... UNTIE!
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