I worked in tech support for only about four months, but I have enough stories to fill a novel. I'm not incredibly tech-savvy myself, but the call center basically gives you everything you need to figure out how to fix the problem even if you don't really understand what it is you're doing. My favorite episode happened right at the beginning of my short tech-support career.
I got a call from a very upset man who believed that we (major american isp) were spying on his bank account. Though my powers of deduction I finally determined the root of his paranoid rantings. Whenever he signed into his bank's online access page, a pop-up ad for our banking program would appear on the screen. Feeling confident that this was an easy problem to fix (just needed to disable pop-ups on his browser) I told him what he had been experiencing was in fact only a pop-up ad and that I'd be glad to help him take care of that problem. This man absolutely refused to believe his 'problem' was that simple.
man: "I want you to cancel my account with this service! I never signed up for this!"
me: "Sir, I understand that you never signed up for it, but I'm trying to explain that you have no account for me to cancel."
man: "Take me off it!!"
me: "Sir, what you're seeing is a pop-up ad for our banking services. It has absolutely no affect on your bank account. It is only an advertisement."
man: "You're not doing what I'm asking you to do! Your company is spying on my bank account and my activity on my bank account! I want to cancel my service with you if you don't take me off this 'wallet' service!"
me: "I'm sorry to hear that you'd want to cancel your internet service with us. I can get you over to the people that can help you accomplish that, however, there's no need for such drastic measures, Sir. Your bank's website has other advertisements, yes?"
man: "Yeah."
me: "This 'wallet' ad you see come up when you log in is the same thing. It's nothing more than an advertisement. It in no way tracks what you are doing in your bank account. I assure you it is harmless. I can walk you through the steps needed to disable pop-up ads so you won't ever have to see it again."
man:"....(long silence)....Not seeing it isn't going to change what it's doing! Take me off the service! I don't want it!"
And so on for a half hour before my supervisor came over to ream me about having such a long call. The only thing I hated more than dealing with people like this guy was trying to get the supervisors to lift a frakking finger to HELP ME when I had no other options. After another twenty minutes of the push and pull, my sup finally decided to take over. She proceeded to spend another HOUR telling this man the very same things I had been saying for the better part of the last hour. IIRC, the call ended with him deciding to cancel his service with us, and he was transferred to the retention department...which I'm sure sent him over the edge into a homicidal rage. If you've ever tried to cancel service with my old company, you'd believe this to be true as well.
Anonymous Tech Supporter
The 'smart' ones and the clickers
The worst tech support calls come from the customers who know a little bit. Like the lady who has to have it explained to her why her old DOS command MEM does not properly report her memory in Windows XP...three times by me and once by another tech in the space of a week. Or the lady who asks for a network cable and, when you ask her if it is an ethernet cable, she snaps back, "I said a network cable!" Then you have to try not to act too smug when you explain that there are many types of network cables, the most common of which is ethernet and, of that type, there are patch and crossover varieties.
And clickers are the absolute WORST!
m=me
c=customer
m: Okay, I'll just walk you through a few things. Right click on this and left click on that.
c: [click.click.click.click.tap.tap.tap.tap.tap.click.click.click]
m: Don't get ahead of me. Just right click on this and left click on that.
c: I am.
[click.click.click.tap.tap.tap.tap.click.click.click.click]
Okay, now I'm in this screen. I was in here earlier. This won't fix it.
m: Okay, you don't need to be in there. Close that and start over. Just right click on this and left click on that.
c: Wait...
[click.click.click.click.tap.tap.tap.click.click.tap.tap>
Just wait...
[click.click.click.click.click.click.tap.tap.tap.tap.click]
Give me an idiot any day, but please, God, not a clicker!
Anonymous Tech Supporter
Put The Kettle (Lead) On
I work for a large company that supports recruiting and training centre pc's. There was a call that came in regarding a downed server. I called the site up and went through the usual troubleshooting procedures. Having dicovered that the UPS was down and both PSU's were attached to it, I suggested to the user that he find another kettle lead and plug one of the PSU's into a wall socket (I think you can guess where this is going)...
In all seriousness, the user said to me...
"We don't have any kettles on site. We only have an urn"
How I kept a straight face when explaining what a kettle lead was I don't know!
Garry Seymour
Bar by Mees
i havnt laughed that hard in a long time! 
