Guess who?
The pilot of a small freight/mail plane was getting a little complacent in his phraseology, probably because of the rather dull routine of his late-night run. Every weekday at 0215 he would stop at a small airport and check in with: "Good morning Jones field, guess who?"
The lone controller was bored too, but insisted on proper terminology and would lecture the pilot on proper radio technique every morning. The lessons fell on deaf ears and the pilot continued his daily "guess who?" callups.
That is, until the morning the radio crackled: "Jones Field, guess who?" The controller, well prepared, turned off all the lights on the airport and responded "Jones Field, guess WHERE!" establishing proper communications from then on.
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Savannah bridge
I was told that an F-4 pilot out of MCAS Beaufort, SC flew under the Savannah, Ga. bridge (possible). The story goes that the RIO was so mad that he threatened to eject if the pilot attempted it again.
The pilot proceeded to do it again... inverted!
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Fries?
N123: "Youngstown Approach, Cessna 123 off Elser, request two practice ILS approaches, followed by the published missed to the VOR to hold, a VOR approach, two NDB approaches, and an ASR approach."
Approach: "Cessna 123 squawk 4753, and would you like fries with that, sir?"
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Damn Fokkers!
A reporter was interviewing an old Scandinavian fighter pilot, asking him how it was in the war.
"Vell," said the old guy, "vee used to fly up dere and dogfight dem Krauts. Ya, vee used to shoot dem German fokkers outta da sky."
"For the benefit of our viewers," interrupted the reporter, "we should explain that the term 'fokker' refers to a specific type of German fighter plane."
"Vell ya," said the old Scandianvian pilot, "but those fokkers were in Messerschmitts."
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Sh*t!
An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after marching 12 miles, and says "God, this is SH*T."
An Army Airborne grunt stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back weapon in hand, after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles, and says with a smile "God, this is THE sh*t."
An Army Airborne Ranger lies in the mud, 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after jumping from a plane into the swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy, and says with a grin, "God, I LOVE this sh*t!"
An Army Green Beret, Airborne/Ranger/Pathfinder qualified, kneels up to his nose in the stinking, infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an airplane into the ocean, swimming 10 miles to the swamp and killing an alligator, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault the enemy camp. He says with a passionate snarl, "God, Gimmee Some MORE of this sh*t!"
An Air Force cadet sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of sh*t is that?!!?"
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Baggage Heaven
I went to the airport, with my ticket to Los Angeles. I brought three bags and told the Skycap, "I want this on to go to Seattle, this one to St. Louis and this one to Chicago.
He said, "I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that."
I said, "Why not? You did it last time."
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What is the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining after landing.
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What do you have when you've got ten F-14s in the air at the same time?
One hell of a maintainance team!
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Military Bravery
One day, a general of the Army, an Admiral, and an Air Force General are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver.
So the Admiral yells to a passing Sailor, "Sailor, catch that falling anchor!" The Sailor snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!", runs under the anchor, and is crushed to death trying to catch it. The Admiral turns to the others and says "Gentlemen, that was bravery."
The Army General says, "That's nothing," and yells, "Private, stop that moving tank!" The Private snaps to attention, shouts "Yes, sir!" and is crushed under the tank while trying to stop it. The Army General turns back to the others and says, "Gentlemen, that took guts."
Finally, the Air Force General takes his turn. "Airman, catch that landing plane." The Airman snaps to attention and shouts "F*ck you, sir." The Air Force General turns to the others and`says, "Gentlemen, that took b*lls."
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Eat This!
There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globe-master's intentions were.
It is said that the C-124 pilot opened the clamshell doors in the nose and announced, "I'm going to eat you."
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