In the navy

[Loafing Smurf]

I got this off the internet.

Ah - the Navy - It's an adventure ... the suggestions below are made on behalf of those who think the Navy is a "TOP GUN" existence. You know, those who watched one too many episodes of JAG, and think that Navy life is glamorous. To experience Navy life, try a couple of these - right inthe comfort of your own homes.

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of
the walls.

3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump
it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray."

4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the
scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay
$10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawn mower.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to
200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On
Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too
much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a
whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille,
Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the
following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and
read it to you.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days
straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign on
it that reads "Secured - contact OA DIV at X-3053."

11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for
you to leave your house before 3pm.

12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board
up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6
months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty, wave at
your friends and family trough the front window of your home...you can't
leave until the next day.

13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home
(i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc)

15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15
minutes.

16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere.
This is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3
times a day, whether they need it or not.

18. Repaint your entire house once a month.

19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and
seasoning you can get your hands on.

20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly
losing every 5th item.

21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN
and the Weather Channel.

22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

24. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it
"world travel."

25. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald, and NOT get promoted.

26. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors
have gone to bed.

[jimclarke]

Hey!!  I was in the Navy.  Now just to be fair, tell us all the BAD stuff!!

Jim

[Brute]

I got this off the same website Loaf , but the www dot escapes me anyway

Rules of Combat
USMC


Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weaponand a friend with a big weapon.
In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
Use a weaponthat works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket."
Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
Have a plan.
Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
Don't drop your guard.
Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."
Army

See USMC Rules for combat
Add 60 to 90 days
Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance
Navy

Spend three weeks getting somewhere
Adopt an aggressive offshore posture
Send in the Marines
Drink Coffee
Bring back the Marines
Air Force

Kiss the spouse good-bye
Drive to the flight line
Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer

[Tequila Sunrise]

And people opt into anything other than the Air Force because....  ::)
my ex-lecturers logic was :
Army/Marines... hmmmm cold, wet, hungry, might get shot...
Navy... cold very wet might drown....
Air Force... let the officers worry about gettin blown up  :P

[Deputy]

Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).

Yeah thats true.

[SilverFox441]

In the Air Force they taught us that the military was an evolution:

1. The Army. The most primitive form of military formations. The Officers send the peons out to get killed/maimed.  :o

2. The Navy. Somewhat more evolved. The peons have decided that at least some of the Officers should share in the getting killed/maimed part.  :-/

3. The Air Force. The peons have had it, enough is enough. Time to send the Officers out to get killed/maimed while us peons head to the club for another beer.

[the_autopilot]

LMAO