He has auto updates enabled so anything could sneak in during the middle of the night...............

SP2 ................. Ban the update! For instance, did an update enable the windows firewall and block your network?
Has any of your spy/virusware/firewalls blocked your network?
Try establishing a working network before setting up your security, and then narrow the security down to a single good firewall (zonealarm pro - as the free one does not support networking!) to begin with, followed by the spyware, then, if you must, the anti-virus software.
I have seen the "very slow" connection speed problem before, but it was on the client for the internet connection, and was extremely slow between host and client PC's across the LAN cable. This was resolved, I believe by setting the correct DNS server name (for the host PC in internet options on the client PC. I'm not sure if this would be similar on your router or not, so take that with a grain of salt.
P.S. Errrrmmmm ...... is there really such a thing as an advanced networker? You know, they probably do exist, but they are kept quietly hidden away, constantly plugging away at corporate PC's, trying somehow to keep the world connected.
It's ridiculous really, the way it's all set up. I mean, what ever happened to just clicking an icon and going thru the configuration options? I guess that would be too easy........... ::)

Mainboard: Asus P5K-Premium, CPU=Intel E6850 @ x8x450fsb 3.6ghz, RAM: 4gb PC8500 Team Dark, Video: NV8800GT, HDD: 2x1Tb Samsung F3 RAID-0 + 1Tb F3, PSU: Antec 550 Basiq, OS: Win7x64, Display: 24&