Have you ever?

[FLYING_TRUCKER]

Rocket_Bird I can relate to that many times

On the old single engine radial "Otter" I flew for the Royal Canadian Air Force "Air Transport Command" we had a relief tube in the cockkpit.
The urine was sent directly out into the airstream just behind the double dutch doors on the port side on the belly of the aircraft.
What we used to do to the new mechanics coming on Squadron strength was the "Hydraulic Test" on the ground.  We had the new mechanic hold his hands under the tube while someone relieved themselves in the cockpit.  Hydraulic fluid then was red in colour and the first reaction from the new mechanic was it was the wrong colour LOL
I was flying an Amphibious Otter one fine morning over some remote lakes when my crewman said he had to have a crap and really bad.  The Otter only has a relief tube so being early I put the aircraft down on a remote lake with just a light mist coming off it.
Sure enough he was hanging his bare ass over the pontoons when four boats came rushing out figuring we were in trouble.  I tried to maneuver the aircraft with water rudders only and no power so as to give him some time to get his pants up but all that happened was he fell off the pontoon into the cold lake.
The cottagers took him to shore and dried him off and we were both given a good breakfast.  He ended up getting some dry clothes free.

I wrote another chapter in RCAF History I guess LOL

Cheers...Happy Landings...Doug

[Bombardier101]

In that case just crap out of the window, it was the prefered method until William Crapper invented the flushing toilet

HaHa! Lol!

Just keep an empty Coke bottle by the desk

That's the way...

You should have declared an emergency and had fire crews meet you on the runway with a port-a-pottie.

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hai Perso Coyone?]

Yeah I have had the experience of going REALLY bad...in a commercial jet

[Rocket_Bird]

I would assume it didnt have a lavatory  ;D

[Jimbo]

I just wear a nappy and do a nice meaty moist one when and where i please

[Yzerman]

Back when I was working on my Commercial, I found myself needing to take a leak very badly during a long cross country.  I landed in Winslow, AZ to find that the entire place was deserted.  So I just taxied off the runway and set the parking brake, hopped out onto the wing of the Warrior and let nature take its course.  Luckily I was smart enough to go WITH the wind.

[beaky]

Ohmigod; one of my favorite flying stories:
So I was on my way home from New Orleans in 2000; longest solo x-c so far, in a rented C172. I was only doing 3-4 hour legs, but I'd considered this particular emergency, and ordered a couple of those gel-bag dealies... the idea is that the liquid hits this stuff in the bag that sort of gels it so it can't slosh or spill. I had my doubts, but figured it was better than the "johnny-on-the-spot", which is basically a plastic jug.
Sooo... I'd made it all the way down there and back to my last fuel stop enroute to home w/o ever getting the urge in the air... somewhere near Philadelphia or Baltimore, with a tailwind giving me 140kts GS (as per GPS), under flight following with all kinds of traffic being called out, I suddenly get the feeling that my bladder is just going to explode!! It was overwhelming! I barely have time to fish one of those things out of my bag, and for the first time, I take a good look at it.
This is not going to work! I think... it's a bag! Definitely gonna make a mess, here, but I can't take this-
After much fumbling and cursing, I was able to use it- mind you., I was practically standing up there in the cabin of that 'hawk... and wouldja believe it? Worked like a charm! I wasn't sure if i closed it right as I set it aside, but it didn't matter- later, I turned it upside down with the thing open, and nothing came out! And let me tell you, I maxed out that sucker...

BTW, Trucker: VERY funny story!!

[Triple_7]

Have to love it when something like that happens

Was on my way back from Florida in 98.  Northwest 727 to Detroit then a Saab 340 into Fort Wayne.  That was also the first trip I had ever flown.  On the way to FWA that annoying urge set in and finaly it was eather go now or never.  There was a restroom in the rear but for the longest time the service cart was blocking my path.  Finaly the attendent moved it and I darted back there.  Couldnt figure out how to get the light to come on.  Turns out its dark in there till you lock the door.  Finaly figured that out after a minute or so.  Talk about bad timing though...RIGHT as I unzipped I here the announcment of "we are going to begin our decent...ect"  Of course unlike a 727 they dont bring those Saabs in so smoothly   :-/  Come hell or high water I was going to take care of buisness  So after some bouncing around ups and downs and a lot of "why me's" I started making my way back to my seat.  I ended up crawling down the isle between dives.  Think I was floating in the air more then on the ground  (Kind of an unusual flight crew...2 women pilots and 1 male flight attendant)  The entire way down seemed to be more steep dives then anything :-/  Wasn't the best of times but man did I feel better  Have to admit though, it kind of fun experiencing a few seconds of weightlessness