Simviation Forums

When chemists die, they barium.


Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
   

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.


This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
   

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.


PMS jokes aren't funny; period.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
   

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
   

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.


Broken pencils are pointless.


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
   

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
   

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.


Velcro

Well done...

I think I just wet myself laughing!
No more postponements to the urologist.  

... ... ... ...!

I love playing with words!... ..!

(It sometimes gets me into trouble!)... ...!

Paul...a Laugh a day... ...!

Very nice and funny!

I thought I would read ten off this list and they would make me laugh but....

























wait for it....













































wait for it....




























































no pun in ten did.....

Thanx Jordan!  Mtn Dew spurtin' out my nose hurts!

I thought I would read ten off this list and they would make me laugh but....


no pun in ten did.....

One of my favorites! My English teacher loves telling puns. I have millions haha.

Did you hear about the butcher that backed into a meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work....

48 year old actress Lisa Rinna is the new spokesperson for Depends adult diapers. The story wasn't supposed to get out, but it leaked...

What goes in hard and dry, comes out soft and sticky, and you can blow it? Gum...

For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.

A recent survey found that 15% of surgeons have a drinking problem......and you thought it was bad when your drinking budies DREW a penis on you face...

Did you hear? Kodak has just filed for bankruptcy after over 100 years in business. More on that story as it develops...

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down of the top shelf. He said he couldn't, the stakes were too high.

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting...

A chemist was using dangerous chemicals to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution...

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Check this website out:

http://www.punoftheday.com/

8-)

Oooooooooooohhhh.
Grrrroooooooooooaaaannnnnn.
(the best puns make a person groan then grin )
Love 'em folks, keep 'em comin'!

Here ya go Bud!

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.