An Old New Air Service Revisited
Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:21 pmYour Flight Manager, Sven Johansson, Lutheran Air
"Ya, you betcha!
Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minneysota --
Also serving Visconsin, Nort and Sout Dakota.
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, da no-frills
airline. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, vhere flyin' is an
upliftin' experience, except vhen goin' down.
Meals are potluck: rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad;
16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors
please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Ve start lunch right about
noon and it's buffet style vit da coffee pot up front. Den ve'll
have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of
you. Don't take yurs vit you vhen you go or I am going to be
real upset and I am not kiddin'!
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares
are by freevill offering and da plane vill not land 'til da budget
is met or da fuel is gone. Pay attention to yur flight attendant,
who vill acquaint you vit da safety system aboard dis plane,
Lutran Air 04141912.
Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event
of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be
real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right
around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure vould
probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature,
and I vouldn't boddar vit doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.
You're gonna have bigger tings to vorry about den dat. Just
stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell
out because of turbulence vich, to be honest vit you, ve're
going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet.. sort a like
driving across a plowed field, but after a vhile you get used
to it.
In da event of a vater landing, I'd say to start saying da Lord's
Prayer. If you don't believe in God, you'll vish you did -- vhy did
you choose a Lutran service, anyway -- and just hope you get to da
part about forgive us our sins as ve forgive doze who sin against us,
vhich some people say "trespass against us," vhich isn't right, anyvay,
but vhat can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not
because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, vhich
is seat of da pants all da vay. No, it's because cell phones are
a pain in da vazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone,
He vould have put yur mout on da side of yur head.
Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and
let deze gifts to us be blessed. By Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost,
may ve land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen!"
"Ya, you betcha!
Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minneysota --
Also serving Visconsin, Nort and Sout Dakota.
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, da no-frills
airline. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, vhere flyin' is an
upliftin' experience, except vhen goin' down.
Meals are potluck: rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad;
16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors
please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Ve start lunch right about
noon and it's buffet style vit da coffee pot up front. Den ve'll
have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of
you. Don't take yurs vit you vhen you go or I am going to be
real upset and I am not kiddin'!
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares
are by freevill offering and da plane vill not land 'til da budget
is met or da fuel is gone. Pay attention to yur flight attendant,
who vill acquaint you vit da safety system aboard dis plane,
Lutran Air 04141912.
Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event
of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be
real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right
around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure vould
probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature,
and I vouldn't boddar vit doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.
You're gonna have bigger tings to vorry about den dat. Just
stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell
out because of turbulence vich, to be honest vit you, ve're
going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet.. sort a like
driving across a plowed field, but after a vhile you get used
to it.
In da event of a vater landing, I'd say to start saying da Lord's
Prayer. If you don't believe in God, you'll vish you did -- vhy did
you choose a Lutran service, anyway -- and just hope you get to da
part about forgive us our sins as ve forgive doze who sin against us,
vhich some people say "trespass against us," vhich isn't right, anyvay,
but vhat can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not
because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, vhich
is seat of da pants all da vay. No, it's because cell phones are
a pain in da vazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone,
He vould have put yur mout on da side of yur head.
Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and
let deze gifts to us be blessed. By Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost,
may ve land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen!"
8-)
