The squirrel and the grasshopper

[T1MT1M]

THIS IS LABOUR GOVERNMENT

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

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LABOUR GOVERNMENT THE UK VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost

[TigerAl]

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

You forgot to mention that the short time the grasshopper is in prison is less than the 18 days early release under the

[expat]

I do hope that this is not locked or removed........Forum rules, no politics. It hits the nail squarely on the head.

Matt (left the UK 10 years ago)

[specter177]

And now the US version.

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter..

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm
and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We
shall overcome. Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray
to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry & Harry Reid exclaim in an
interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off
the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate
tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the
summer! The ant is fined for failing to hire a
proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the
case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill
Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the
last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is
in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles
around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow..

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and
the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

[packercolinl]

Last Saturday I went to a small bakery in my local shopping centre.

An Indian lady was there before me but as I arrived a young man looking in his early 20's approached me and asked for two dollars as he was hungry and wanted food.

I said no and glanced around for the security guys-none around.

This guy then starts telling the Indian lady about how he needs open heart surgery and lots of other stuff.

She quietly says she is sorry for him but does not wish to know his problem.

He continues with his 'story',going so far as saying he should be in hospital that very morning and should not even be eating and needs the money for train fare to the hospital.

She quietly tells him she does not wish to hear him.

So then he says,

"Oh. You don't care. You can't say that! That is demeaning to me. YOU CAN"T SAY THAT,YOU ARE DEMEANING ME. HOW DARE YOU DEMEAN ME. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TREAT ME THIS WAY"

Now I want to know who fed him this bullshit because sure as hell he didn't have the brains to work that scam himself.

Col.

[HarvesteR]

I've heard the brazilian version of that very story... only I think the squirrel was portrayed by another animal... but nevertheless identical

I thought it was so true... apparently this is true everywhere

Cheers