Funnies
Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:48 pm-WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
-I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
-Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
-My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
-In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.
-A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory
-The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
-I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
-I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
-Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
-In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
-I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
-Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
how was the play?
-money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
-Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
-Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
-I am having an out-of-money experience.
-Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
-Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
-I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
-I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
-Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
-My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
-In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.
-A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory
-The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
-I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
-I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
-Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
-In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
-I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
-Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
how was the play?
-money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
-Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
-Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
-I am having an out-of-money experience.
-Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
-Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
-I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
