Simviation Forums

Ok, post your Chuck jokes here:

Did you know that he can pull a wheelie on a unicycle?




When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.




Etc, just post them, I'm going to print them all out and hand them to this person I sit behind who has an obsession over him, I already know what'll happen  ;D

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.  
 
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.  
 
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.  
 
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.  
 
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.  
 
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.  
 
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.  
 
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.  

More here

Crash

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

haha quality

Chuck Norris can lift himself up.

Chuck Norris put the laughter in 'manslaughter'.

When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Say please!".

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris can do push ups with both hands behind his back.....

Chuck Norris can crack walnuts with both hands behind his back....

No wonder he never fails to impress the ladies.....

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris got into a testicle counting contest.  Chuck won by 5.

Chuck Norris does not do push ups, Chuck moves his arms and the Earth moves away from him.

Chuck Norris tears have been medically and scientifically proven to cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris doesn't run for Office...Office runs for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris landed on runway 37.

Chuck Norris beat a wall in tennis.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a automatic pistol -- and won.

Chuck Norris recently thought about selling his pis as a drink, we currently know this drink as redbull

Chuck Norris can round house kick the down syndrome out of a 7 year old

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't request to land. He states intentions.

Chuck Norris dosent read books he stares them down until he gets the information he wants