Simviation Forums

Posted: **Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:52 pm**

Sorry if some of these have been posted before...

Impassable during high water.
-Route 94, West Alton, MO

Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.
-Unknown Batman Costume

Do not take if allergic to zantac.
-Zantac 75

Warning: Children can drown in bucket, do not place kids in juice
-Giant Bucket of Pickles used in Fast Food Restaurants

Be careful! Point bottle away from self and others to avoid serious eye injury. Stopper may eject forcefully while you are removing the hood or at any time after hood removal. Bottle contains high pressure which increases with warmth or shaking.
-Ballatore Gran Spumante Champagne

(On the side of the cup)

Posted: **Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:27 pm**

And it's not the business's fault that they have to put such retarded warnings on their product...some dumbass has actually done something to create a reason for Captain Obvious to put his warning on these items. ::)

I've seen that sign in San Diego too, made me do a double take when i saw it haha.

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:54 pm**

The ice may be cold!?

On another note, birds have just been concluded to be capable of flight...

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 4:15 pm**

Back in the late 70's I was visiting a buddy that was a projectionist at a then local drive in theatre in Florida. We had been in Nam together and were just shooting the breeze. I was helping him keep the old carbon rod type projectors running smoothly.

We had our backs to the door to the projection booth that was clearly marked and you'd think the extremely bright light projecting from the front of it towards the huge screen would have been conclusive evidence as the the function of the room.

NOT! Some total air head woman opened the door came walking in pulling her pants down. Looked at us and two HUGE projectors lit up like the sun, screamed, went running out screaming about two perverts being in the women's room.

This dizzy broad went so far as to call the police. When they arrived, they all but fell down laughing their ass's off at the stupidity of this woman. Especially since she pissed her pants waiting.

They pointed out all the OBVIOUS parts of a PROJECTION BOOTH. Let alone the "DONOT Enter Employee ONLY" sign on the door. That and the two foot square sign that read "PROJECTION BOOTH".

She was on the wrong side of the building.... ::)

She was arrested for filing a false police report.....

She couldn't be arrested for being stupid and blind... ::)

So warning signs don't mean anything to the exceptionally gifted stupid person.....lmao

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:33 pm**

Back in the late 70's I was visiting a buddy that was a projectionist at a then local drive in theatre in Florida. We had been in Nam together and were just shooting the breeze. I was helping him keep the old carbon rod type projectors running smoothly.

We had our backs to the door to the projection booth that was clearly marked and you'd think the extremely bright light projecting from the front of it towards the huge screen would have been conclusive evidence as the the function of the room.

NOT! Some total air head woman opened the door came walking in pulling her pants down. Looked at us and two HUGE projectors lit up like the sun, screamed, went running out screaming about two perverts being in the women's room.

This dizzy broad went so far as to call the police. When they arrived, they all but fell down laughing their ass's off at the stupidity of this woman. Especially since she pissed her pants waiting.

They pointed out all the OBVIOUS parts of a PROJECTION BOOTH. Let alone the "DONOT Enter Employee ONLY" sign on the door. That and the two foot square sign that read "PROJECTION BOOTH".

She was on the wrong side of the building....

She was arrested for filing a false police report.....

She couldn't be arrested for being stupid and blind...

So warning signs don't mean anything to the exceptionally gift stupid person.....lmao

If swallowed, promptly see doctor.
-Energizer AAA 4 Pack

Oh geez, theyr only AAA's they ain't gun' do nuthin'.

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:32 pm**

Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.
-Unknown Batman Costume

I somewhat understood this on a Superman costume -- Batman needs a cord or other assist to span open distances; "Please do not wrap cord around neck unless you intend it to be the last such swing."

8-)

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:11 pm**

We pulled an awful practical joke on this old fellow named George that use to come over to my votech class. When I left the service I took a couple of years of automotive mechanics in 1977-78.

Old George was an old WWII Vet that just volunteered at the votech center mainly to get away from his wife. He was in charge of the tool room where we would check out tool we needed for specific jobs.

I had a few lady friends taking graphic art class's and talked them into making up a very convincing warning label for a set of jumper cables I'd picked up for the teacher. He was in on the prank because George was always fussing about dumb warning labels.

It read as follows- "Do Not attach to nose and penis then to battery unless you want to fart sparks!" - Poor George almost pissed his pants laughing his ass off as did the teacher and the entire class.

As far as I know, one copy of the warning label went home with George and one went home with the teacher. Both died years ago.... :'(

Posted: **Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:41 am**

I was employed for a number of years by an elevator company.

One job we had was installing an escalator in a shopping centre.

The shopping centre was open and trading(at the bottom of the escalator was a bakery--all day long the smell of baking goodies wafted over me and my electrician offsider :'(

).

We had the area around the escalator closed off and bunting up with access warning signs all over. We complied with all health and safety regulations--we HAD to!!

In the process of installation we had to remove the steps and covers to install upgrades(yes even mundane things like escalators have upgrades). Those alloy covers you step on to get to the steps cover the 'control room' about 3' deep. So when you are squatting in the 'control room' and bob up you really are looking at floor level.

So. We are working in the 'control room' when I hear,

"Excuse me. Can I go down the escalator?"

I look up and there is a pair of dainty red shoes and dainty ankles to go with the dainty female voice asking the question. I looked no higher. I looked down the escalator with NO F@@@ING STEPS and no way to get to them if it did have and said "NO".

I didn't look to see if she was blonde after I said "NO" and she'd walked away----------OUT THROUGH THE SECURITY BARRIER AND PAST ALL THE DANGER AND NO ENTRY SIGNS!! We could not work out how she could have been so blind to everything arrayed against her access.

Dumbfound to say the least.

Col.

Posted: **Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:53 pm**

i got one

BODY PELLOW-
not for cribs or beds

lol WTF??

Posted: **Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:00 pm**

Posted: **Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:27 am**

Impassable during high water.
-Route 94, West Alton, MO

[color=#003300]Well, when you reach an impass, you reach an

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