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Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:49 am
by Fly2e
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If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous and clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are 'Do It ,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:18 am
by Romulus111VADT
LMAO, Paul Lynde was brilliant! ;D

Now these were true comedians! [smiley=thumbsup.gif] [smiley=thumbsup.gif]

:)

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:16 pm
by Fozzer
..... ;D....!

Definitely a collection to keep.... [smiley=thumbsup.gif]...!

It's amazing how quick off the mark some Folks are, when it comes to witty replies... ;D...!

(I do my best, sometimes... ;)...)...!

...love it... ;D...!

Paul... ;)...!

one of my favourites....;)...>>>>

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

...subtle... ;)...

..... ;D...!

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 3:57 pm
by Brando14100
Great stuff.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :D :D :D :D :) :) ;) ;) ;) :P 8-) 8-)

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 4:20 pm
by a1
;D ;D

Other Paul "Lyndeisms"

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:05 pm
by Fly2e
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Other Paul "Lyndeisms"

Q: What is said to be wasted on the young?
Lynde: A whipping.

Q: What is the most abused and neglected part of the body?
Lynde: Well, mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: True or false? At a recent hearing, opponents of fluorinated water argued that too much fluorine in a person's system can cause an uncontrollable desire for sex.
Lynde: (shouting) HEY CULLIGAN MAN!

Q: As any good boat enthusiast knows, that when a man falls out of a boat, you yell "man overboard." Now, what should you yell if a woman falls out of a boat?
Lynde: Full speed ahead!

Q: True or false? Your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's.
Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface. (Host Peter Marshall had an overbite.)

Q: A cub scout holds up two fingers. A boy scout holds up three fingers. What does a girl scout hold up?
Lynde: Well, that just depends on how many cookies you buy.

Q: Why do the Hell's Angels wear leather?
Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles so easily.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Lynde: Make him bark.

Q: In Alice in Wonderland, who kept crying, "I'm late, I'm late"?
Lynde: Alice. And her mother is sick about it.

Q: Which is better looking, a pixie or a fairy?
Lynde: I'll go for the fairy.

Q: In The Wizard of Oz, the Lion wanted courage and the Tin Man wanted a heart. What did the Scarecrow want??
Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.

Q: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Lynde: I don't have a third choice?

Q: Paul, how many men on a hockey team?
Lynde: Oh, about half.

Q: True or false: Women are sexier after having a baby.
Lynde: Right after?

Q: What would the Lone Ranger always leave behind with the damsel in distress he'd saved?
Lynde: A masked baby!

Q: Why was Nathan Hale hung?
Lynde: Heredity.

Q: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?
Lynde: As long as that's as far as it goes.

Q: Why do sheep sleep huddled up?
Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue is a weirdo!

Q: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?
Lynde: Smuggling.

Q: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?
Lynde: Well, it's easier to steer.

Q: True or false: in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate.
Lynde: Yes, but they went on to win in three other categories.

Q: True or false: Paul Revere had sixteen children.
Lynde: From one midnight ride?

Q: You

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:07 am
by Fozzer
...bleedin' fantastic... ;D...!

...just added the new list to the end of my old list....;)...!

A quick read of it every morning is guaranteed to generate peals of laughter....and clear out the Lungs...

Excellent start to the day... [smiley=2vrolijk_08.gif]...!

Paul.... ;D...!

Q: You

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:04 am
by beaky
:D  :D  :D

I don't know if he wrote his own material, but Lynde sure knew how to drop a one-liner... and George was very funny, too.
One of the actually entertaining game shows of the 1970s... ;D

(audio only)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1btibrMzTs0

Re: Hollywood Squares

PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 12:06 pm
by Willit Run
These were great!!!!

I loved Hollywood Squares!!!