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Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:16 am
by chiptas
After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

;D

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:39 am
by Papa9571
BPB......

Still funny though

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:16 am
by mpicco
LMAO
I think i read this before somewhere, not here, but anyhow my head is literally hurting from the laughing, got wet eyes...

The one with the "warned plane to behave and be serious" and "took hammer away from midget" killed me...

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:51 am
by john_uk
although these aint realy funny after reading them a million times, what is funny that the airline changes everytime with the same jokes being posted ;D

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 1:11 pm
by chiptas
although these aint realy funny after reading them a million times, what is funny that the airline changes everytime with the same jokes being posted ;D


Well i can tell you what ever youve seen before is crap cause i know some of the blokes that wrote these and they deff work for qantas.

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:03 pm
by john_uk
although these aint realy funny after reading them a million times, what is funny that the airline changes everytime with the same jokes being posted ;D


Well i can tell you what ever youve seen before is crap cause i know some of the blokes that wrote these and they deff work for qantas.


oddly enough thats what everyone else said to me who has shown me these exact same quotes but from BA and various other airlines

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:59 pm
by born_2_fly
although these aint realy funny after reading them a million times, what is funny that the airline changes everytime with the same jokes being posted ;D


Well i can tell you what ever youve seen before is crap cause i know some of the blokes that wrote these and they deff work for qantas.


oddly enough thats what everyone else said to me who has shown me these exact same quotes but from BA and various other airlines


Haha how true.

I've heard these exact same ones (supposedly from) BA, UPS, FedEx, United, Virgin, and Cathay Pacific...

::)

Re: Maintenance humor

PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 1:46 pm
by DONTREADMYUSERNAME
arggghhhhh, bpb,

still sorta kinda funny (not really)