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These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

The absolute best I ever heard was from a Florida Highway Patrolman. He stopped a woman for speeding and as he approached her car he was flipping open his ticket book. The woman looked at him and said, "Oh, I bet your gonna give me a pair of tickets to the policeman's ball, aren't you?" He looked back at the woman w/o thinking and said, "No mama, I'm a FHP officer and we don't have balls."

The poor woman went through total meltdown as she all but fell over in her seat laughing. The FHP officer much to his absolute horror realized what he'd just said and turned six shades of red. He was so embarrassed that he gave her a verbal warning and quickly retreated to his cruiser and left the woman laughing hysterically.

I liked number 8. That was good.

The absolute best I ever heard was from a Florida Highway Patrolman. He stopped a woman for speeding and as he approached her car he was flipping open his ticket book. The woman looked at him and said, "Oh, I bet your gonna give me a pair of tickets to the policeman's ball, aren't you?" He looked back at the woman w/o thinking and said, "No mama, I'm a FHP officer and we don't have balls."

The poor woman went through total meltdown as she all but fell over in her seat laughing. The FHP officer much to his absolute horror realized what he'd just said and turned six shades of red. He was so embarrassed that he gave her a verbal warning and quickly retreated to his cruiser and left the woman laughing hysterically.

Well, officer, actually, Mickey Mouse is a mouse, but since you offered me two alternatives, let's see... Mice hate cats, so maybe he's a dog, but then again, dogs chase cats and mice don't chase cats. As a matter of fact, cats chase mice and other cats, so, with that in mind, I will go for 'cat'!

:-? :-/

that reminds me of something that happened to my brother.

he was driving along, maybe 2-3 km over the speed limit, and he gets pullled over by the british police.  my brother honestly didn't know he was over the limit, and he wasnt much over the limit anyway so the policeman said, "Tell you what, I'm in a good mood, so if you tell me a good joke, then I'll let you go."  So, my brother told him a joke (can't remember what it was), but the policeman laughed really hard, and let my bro go.

Policeman can be nice too...

You see these 'shocking police video' type programmes, and all you ever see in them is American cops yelling their faces off and pulling guns out on people who have just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover and probably need urgent attention from a paramedic. I'm glad to hear that not all policemen are like that.

You see these 'shocking police video' type programmes, and all you ever see in them is American cops yelling their faces off and pulling guns out on people who have just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover and probably need urgent attention from a paramedic. I'm glad to hear that not all policemen are like that.

It's like with most all else, one has a job to do. Some do their job well, some don't; more often than not, the worst of the lot wind up on the front page or the screen. :-/

You see these 'shocking police video' type programmes, and all you ever see in them is American cops yelling their faces off and pulling guns out on people who have just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover and probably need urgent attention from a paramedic. I'm glad to hear that not all policemen are like that.

Well, if they are runnig from the cops soo hard that they destroy their car and crash real bad, don't you think they have something to lose? And if they tried that hard to evade police don't you think its possible that the criminal might just pull a gun on a cop? So in the line of duty I'd side with the cop everytime, to me, his (or her) safety is ten times greater than the well being of the criminal.....

You see these 'shocking police video' type programmes, and all you ever see in them is American cops yelling their faces off and pulling guns out on people who have just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover and probably need urgent attention from a paramedic. I'm glad to hear that not all policemen are like that.

Well, if they are runnig from the cops soo hard that they destroy their car and crash real bad, don't you think they have something to lose? And if they tried that hard to evade police don't you think its possible that the criminal might just pull a gun on a cop? So in the line of duty I'd side with the cop everytime, to me, his (or her) safety is ten times greater than the well being of the criminal.....

Every man has the right to medical attention before anything else. To be honest, if you've just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover, you're hardly gonna be in a fit state to shoot back, are you? And every second wasted by yelling at the guy with your gun out is another second gone, while the guy could be recieving medical attention.

The American obsession with guns rather bothers me...

You see these 'shocking police video' type programmes, and all you ever see in them is American cops yelling their faces off and pulling guns out on people who have just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover and probably need urgent attention from a paramedic. I'm glad to hear that not all policemen are like that.

Well, if they are runnig from the cops soo hard that they destroy their car and crash real bad, don't you think they have something to lose? And if they tried that hard to evade police don't you think its possible that the criminal might just pull a gun on a cop? So in the line of duty I'd side with the cop everytime, to me, his (or her) safety is ten times greater than the well being of the criminal.....

Every man has the right to medical attention before anything else. To be honest, if you've just done 6 barrel rolls in a land rover, you're hardly gonna be in a fit state to shoot back, are you? And every second wasted by yelling at the guy with your gun out is another second gone, while the guy could be recieving medical attention.

The American obsession with guns rather bothers me...

An officers' first priority is to make sure he, his fellow cops, and most importantly the public, is safe. Then after those three things should he worry about the criminal. No matter how many barrel rolls someone does, you have no idea whether or not they can shoot back! I hear about people walking away from the worst of crashes! So, for the safety of the cops and public, the officer must be sure that the criminal is incapable of harming anyone, and then care for whatever wounds.

And chances are, in the five seconds he spends doing all of that, THE PARAMEDICS WON'T BE THERE!!!!

But the British police manage it quite well without guns... why can't American cops?

Besides, I was actually referring to the basic medical training I believe every officer recieves

Because, in the U.S. we got crazy people running around with these




and sometimes if nothing else is available these


And it is not too uncommon for some one to have some of these



Here in america we got your gangsters, mafia, mobs, and of course just the plain old loonies.... Plus everyone else in the world Hates us!

There are really bad cops out there, I remember one time  kid in front of my house was riding a bike, his chain actually broke while he was pedaling and somehow he flipped over the bike and really messed himself up. We didn't want to move him until the paramedics arrived so he is out in the middle of the street we are directing traffic, then this cop showed up. The first thing out of her mouth was "I bet you wont do that again" which was followed by th riot act on bike safety, before she even help the poor kid out??? I told her to relax and she started giving me the riot act, I'm like lady the kid did nothing wrong. What a B*$ch


Then there are the really cool cops, I was speeding doing about 75mph in a 50mph. Cop pulls me over asks how fast I was going I told him about 75. Then he follows up with why are you not wearing your seatbelt(I had mine on), I said sorry officer Ill be more mindful next time, $40 dollar ticket no points verses over $200 bucks and points.

Because, in the U.S. we got crazy people running around with these




and sometimes if nothing else is available these


And it is not too uncommon for some one to have some of these



Here in america we got your gangsters, mafia, mobs, and of course just the plain old loonies.... Plus everyone else in the world Hates us!

Ah...

Fair point, well made.