More Aviation humor
Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 4:32 pmmost have probably bpb but anyways
Actual Transmissions by O'Hare TRACON
"Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has... oh, disregard...
I see you've already ejected."
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the
Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty--do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
The progress of the student during his flight training was not good enough to allow him to continue the course and to become a fighter pilot. He had to leave the pilot training outfit but he wanted to remain in the Air Force and could be transferred into another sector. Asked for his preferences he replied -
"AAA, Anti Aircraft Artillery, because if I don't fly - nobody will!"
This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might just be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
You might be a redneck pilot if...
... your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
... you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.
... there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.
... you have ever responded to ATC with the phrase "That's a big 10-4!"
... you typically answer female controllers with titles like "sugar" or "little darlin'."
... she responds with the words "Honey" or "Big guy" then she may be a redneck.
... you have ever used a relief tube as a spitoon.
... you glance down at your belt buckle to help you remember your N-number.
... you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy!"
The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"
The attendant just looked at the pilot.
"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.
The attendant replied "True, most pilots use that airport over there."
Actual Transmissions by O'Hare TRACON
"Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has... oh, disregard...
I see you've already ejected."
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the
Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty--do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
The progress of the student during his flight training was not good enough to allow him to continue the course and to become a fighter pilot. He had to leave the pilot training outfit but he wanted to remain in the Air Force and could be transferred into another sector. Asked for his preferences he replied -
"AAA, Anti Aircraft Artillery, because if I don't fly - nobody will!"
This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might just be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
You might be a redneck pilot if...
... your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
... you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.
... there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.
... you have ever responded to ATC with the phrase "That's a big 10-4!"
... you typically answer female controllers with titles like "sugar" or "little darlin'."
... she responds with the words "Honey" or "Big guy" then she may be a redneck.
... you have ever used a relief tube as a spitoon.
... you glance down at your belt buckle to help you remember your N-number.
... you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy!"
The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"
The attendant just looked at the pilot.
"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.
The attendant replied "True, most pilots use that airport over there."
That last one is great!