Simviation Forums

A few I've never heard before Some are Bold just to keep the stories apart

Questions via the radio should not always be answered exactly.

Tower: Aircraft in holding pattern, say fuelstate?

Aircraft: Fuelstate

Tower: Say again?

Aircraft: Again....

After this the tower controller switches off his radio and climbs down the stairs to drink coffee the rest of the afternoon.

Great!

LOL

I like the other version of the first one...

ATC: "G-BGFH, say altitude."

Cessna: "ALTITUDE!"

ATC: "G-BGFH, say airspeed."

Cessna: "AIRSPEED!"

ATC: "G-BGFH, say cancel IFR."

Cessna: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

I like the other version of the first one...

ATC: "G-BGFH, say altitude."

Cessna: "ALTITUDE!"

ATC: "G-BGFH, say airspeed."

Cessna: "AIRSPEED!"

ATC: "G-BGFH, say cancel IFR."

Cessna: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

I love these  ;D keep them comin'!

OMG those are awesome .  Nice ones  [smiley=thumbsup.gif].

- Kevin

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.
The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.
The vibration stopped immediately.
A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.



In an attempt to keep the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed, the stweardess of a SouthWest flight said over the PA:

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal..."


After a lengthy delay at the gate while waiting to depart, the Captain finally came on the PA system and announced: "I'm sorry for the delay, but the machine that smashes your baggage and removes the handles is broken, so the ground crew is having to do it all by hand today!"


In the days of the Northrop F-89 Scorpions, the Air Force pilot at an interceptor squadron was driving to work one day when he got caught in a speed trap on a road that ran very near to the end of the runway. He argued his case with the local cops, but to no avail.
Steaming mad and more than a little frustrated, he stormed into Operations demanding that an F-89 be readied for him immediately. Firing up the engines, he taxied to the active runway and took off.
Shortly after getting airborne, he declared an emergency and reversed course back to the field. Of course, being the good pilot that he was and ever-mindful not to exceed the max landing weight of his Scorpion, and having a fuel dumping system installed, he dumped his excess fuel...just as he reached the road near the end of the runway.
The fuel-drenched cops packed up their radar and weren't seen anywhere near that area again for a very long time.



Shortly after just landing at a big international airport in his Cessna 150, our hero strolls into the busy airport cafeteria for a bite to eat. He finds an empty table by the window to keep an eye on the airport comings and goings. Shortly thereafter, a striking woman walks up and asks to share his table. Naturally, he invites her to sit down.
After several minutes of small talk, the woman asks if he is a pilot. He responds, "Why, yes, I am -- I fly a C-150." Knowing next to nothing about airplanes, she asks him what a C-150 is. The pilot looks out the window and spots a C-130 Hercules taxing out for takeoff.
Pointing to it, he tells his companion, "See that plane over there? That is a C-130. I fly a C-150!"


Two members of the traffic police were out in the countryside with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 400 mph.

The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Tornado hurtled over their heads.

The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Tornado's target-seeker had locked on to the 'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack.

Luckily(?), the Tornado was operating unarmed.

Two members of the traffic police were out in the countryside with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 400 mph.

The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Tornado hurtled over their heads.

The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Tornado's target-seeker had locked on to the 'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack.

Luckily(?), the Tornado was operating unarmed.

That one is great!  ;D

Shortly after just landing at a big international airport in his Cessna 150, our hero strolls into the busy airport cafeteria for a bite to eat. He finds an empty table by the window to keep an eye on the airport comings and goings. Shortly thereafter, a striking woman walks up and asks to share his table. Naturally, he invites her to sit down.
After several minutes of small talk, the woman asks if he is a pilot. He responds, "Why, yes, I am -- I fly a C-150." Knowing next to nothing about airplanes, she asks him what a C-150 is. The pilot looks out the window and spots a C-130 Hercules taxing out for takeoff.
Pointing to it, he tells his companion, "See that plane over there? That is a C-130. I fly a C-150!"

that one's a good one
i fly a 747, imagine how big that is on that scale

john

The last two are just hilarious !

All are great!

here is my favourite

A German pilot is in a holding pattern at Frankfurt whilst waiting to land and engages in some friendly banter with some fellow german pilots in German. After several minutes ATC tells him to start speaking English. he replies