a mans rights

[Jared]

Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolate"
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him
Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, you are absolved of your of responsibility.