More revisits for the Land of Oz...
Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:18 amI found some more 'student' entries recorded in the humor file of one of my old hard drives. These may have been posted here sometime in the past but...
Excerpts from Students' Essays:
1. Britany Spear's marriage was really short because Alexander wasn't Great.
2. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
3. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
4. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
5. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
6. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
7. It was an American tradition, like a father chasing around his children with power tools.
8. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
9. It hurt the way your tongue does after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
10. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
11. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
12. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
13. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
14. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
15. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
16. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
17. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
18. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
19. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
20. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
21. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots fried in hot grease.
22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
23. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap. But it had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
24. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Excerpts from Students' Essays:
1. Britany Spear's marriage was really short because Alexander wasn't Great.
2. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
3. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
4. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
5. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
6. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
7. It was an American tradition, like a father chasing around his children with power tools.
8. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
9. It hurt the way your tongue does after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
10. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
11. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
12. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
13. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
14. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
15. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
16. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
17. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
18. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
19. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
20. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
21. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots fried in hot grease.
22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
23. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap. But it had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
24. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
8-)
