.TELLTALE SIGNS YOUR PILOT MAY BE A "TEMP"
- He's wearing a brown uniform with "UPS" over the breast pocket.
- He keeps pacing up and down the aisle muttering "So many gauges, so little time."
- You're halfway to your destination and he's still taxiing.
- Announces on the intercom that "We're now passing over the Grand Canyon OR the Panama Canal."
- During the descent, you're advised to remain in your seat until the FAA investigators arrive.
The Elevator
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."
Dr. Seuss Computer Poem
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and go and tell your mom!
Rabbit Math
The teacher asked Johnnie, "Johnnie if I gave you two rabbits and then two more rabbits and then two more rabbits, how many would you have?"
Johnnie replied, "Seven rabbits, Teacher."
The teacher asked again, "Listen Johnnie, If I gave you two rabbits, plus two more rabbits, plus two more rabbits... How many rabbits would you have altogether?"
Johnnie smiled, "That's easy, Teacher, I would have seven."
"Ok Johnnie," the teacher said. "Let's try it a different way. If I gave you two cans of pop, plus two more cans of pop, plus two more cans of pop. How many cans of pop would you have?"
"Six cans." Johnnie said.
"OK," said the teacher. "Now think of that with this question. If I gave you two rabbits, then two more rabbits, then two more rabbits how many would you have?"
"Seven, Teacher." Johnnie said.
"Why seven?" the teacher asked, exasperated.
Johnnie replied, "Because I already have one rabbit at home!"
- Kevin...laughing his heart out
8-)
