Medical jokes
Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:55 amMedical Funnies
Taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. Apparently, it's not just their handwriting that's bad.
Editorial comments in brackets.
- By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. [At least he was feeling no pain.]
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. [Call the National Enquirer!]
- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- Discharge status: Alive but without permission. [Some people are so rude.]
- Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused an autopsy. [And who could blame them?]
- The patient has no past history of suicides.
- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. [...quick call the hospital and get them.]
- The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.
- She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. [Was this an amicable split? Or a trial separation?]
- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- The skin was moist and dry. [That's not skin; it's a moist towelette.]
- Patient was alert and unresponsive. [...not to mention forgetful.]
- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Loved these!
- Kevin
Taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. Apparently, it's not just their handwriting that's bad.
Editorial comments in brackets. - By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. [At least he was feeling no pain.]
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. [Call the National Enquirer!]
- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- Discharge status: Alive but without permission. [Some people are so rude.]
- Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused an autopsy. [And who could blame them?]
- The patient has no past history of suicides.
- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. [...quick call the hospital and get them.]
- The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.
- She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. [Was this an amicable split? Or a trial separation?]
- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- The skin was moist and dry. [That's not skin; it's a moist towelette.]
- Patient was alert and unresponsive. [...not to mention forgetful.]
- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Loved these! - Kevin