The Doctor Takes the Stand
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:03 amThe Doctor Takes the Stand: Excerpts from "Disorder in the American Courts"
Actual excerpts from the records of court stenographers:
*Pardon my additional comments
Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Doctor: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
*Weren't you on my table just last week?
______________________________________
Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8 :30 p.m.
Lawyer: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Doctor: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
*This must be the inquiry about the autopsy of the lawyer in the previous entry.
______________________________________
Lawyer: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Doctor: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
*Evidently, he's been hit with a bar.
___________________________________
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Doctor: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
*And obviously still is.
Actual excerpts from the records of court stenographers:
*Pardon my additional comments
Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Doctor: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
*Weren't you on my table just last week?
______________________________________
Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8 :30 p.m.
Lawyer: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Doctor: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
*This must be the inquiry about the autopsy of the lawyer in the previous entry.
______________________________________
Lawyer: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Doctor: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
*Evidently, he's been hit with a bar.
___________________________________
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Doctor: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
*And obviously still is.
