Simviation Forums

All, apperently, TRUE ATC conversations;

The pilot of an airliner requested a clearance from 25,000 feet to cruise altitude of 31,000 feet. The conversation went something like this:

United 402: "United 402 requesting climb to flight level 310"

ATC: "United 402 maintain flight level 250 for noise abatement".

United 402: "What do you mean maintain 250 'for noise abatement'?".

ATC: "If you climb and hit the traffic at 270, there will be a big noise.".

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Supposedly Heard On The Air (said with a slow, Eton type accent)...

BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723

HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre, go ahead

BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723 has a message for you

HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre is ready to copy message

BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, message is as follows: Mayday, Mayday, Mayday ....

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Lots of commercial aircraft are stacked up waiting for approach to O'Hare Int'l, ATC has inflicted numerous delays, and some planes are already 1-2 hours late. The WX is good, it's just that there is a traffic bottleneck somewhere. Pilots, passengers, crew are all getting quite frustrated and angry.

ATC: "All aircraft holding, expect 20 minutes additional delay."

Unknown A/C: "Ahhh . . . bullsh*t!"

ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself."

(silence)

ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself immediately!"

(silence)

ATC: "Aircraft using 'bullshit' in last transmission, identify yourself.
American 411, was that you?"

American 411: "Approach, American 411: negative on the 'bullshit,' sir."

NW 202: "Approach, NW 202: negative on the 'bullshit.'"

Delta 55: "Approach, Delta 55: negative on the 'bullshit.'"

NW 33: "Approach, NW 33: we have a negative on that 'bullshit.'"

. . . and so on, right through the entire pattern.

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Scene 1: it's night over Las Vegas, information Hotel is current and mooney 33W is unfamiliar with procedure and talking to approach control...

Approach: 33W confirm you have hotel.

33W: Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International. Uhhhmm, we don't have a hotel room yet.

approach control was laughing too hard to respond. The next several calls went like this:

Approach: United 5, descend to FL220.

United 5: United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either.

Heard them all in various forms, I believe the last one was actually a VATSIM transmission

Another great set of classics, though i've never read the last one before

My favorite is the BOAC one. Being British myself, I can just imagine the 'proper BBC accent' and the pilot being a gentleman first and a pilot second. After all, just because the plane's about to crash, there's no reason to let ones standards slip old boy!

Never heard the second one before. But as it refers to both BOAC and British Airways I have some doubts over it's authenticity as British Airways was the result of a merger between BOAC and BEA.