When nights were cold
And I no more a tot
I thought to write
A tale that night
And this is what I got:
General Confusion and Private Matters
(quite well edited and, fortunately, condensed)
Tired and outnumbered by enemy forces, it looked like General Neil N. Confusion was going to have them retreat "from harms way" once again. They'd been playing cat and mouse for months -- no leave, no rest and, now, seemed about to continue this fruitless game right through Christmas. The soldiers were tired of it -- the Major was tired of it. He hadn't seen his family, he had his personal concerns to attend to and he intended have no more of it!
Early in the morning, as silently as possible, they climbed the slope and came within sight of the enemy encampment. The General halted his horse and the Major, following closely, did the same.
"It looks like they're all asleep, Sir." the Major spoke in a half whisper.
Nodding in assent, the General replied, "We may get by them this time without them harrassing our tails."
"Actually, Sir, I think they are so unsuspecting that we'd get the upper hand if we attacked."
"Always the optomist, Major," the General responded, then reached down for his binoculars, "I'd better get a closer look, though."
"Sir," the major motioned for his aide, Private Matters, "I've got some higher powered binoculars."
Taking the binoculars from the Major's aide, the General focused them on the enemy's camp. The Major glanced at his aide, standing next to the General's horse, and gave a slight nod. He then began lifting off his saddle, craning his neck.
Sir!" the Major exclaimed, "What's behind that furthest tent?"
"I don't see anything," informed the General.
"My God! Behind it, Sir!"
Taken aback by the Major, the General rose from the saddle for better view. As he did so, the Private reached up to the top of the General's saddle. With a disparaged scowl, the General sat back down.
"Yaaaah!" the General let out, reaching down to his buttocks.
"What's wrong, Sir?" the Major inquired.
Looking at his hand, the General replied, "A tack."
"What, Sir?"
"A TACK!"
"Yes, Sir," the Major raised his hand and motioned to the troops, "CHARGE!!!"
Enemy sentries had heard the commotion and, rousing, they met with the forces of General Confusion. Still half asleep, they gave way, completely routed. The Major took Christmas leave, the little army rested -- all because the Major had his Private Matters to attend.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE
Bar by Mees
